


Bus Rides

by brookwrites



Series: Bus Rides [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Cheating, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, Fluff, High School AU, Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Injury, Phan - Freeform, Phan AU, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Smut, Underage - Freeform, Underage Sex, chaptered fic, danisnotonfire - Freeform, dap, dnp, mild violence, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 14:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 28,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13101930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookwrites/pseuds/brookwrites
Summary: Dan was straight. Then Phil started riding his bus. Dan’s not straight anymore. And somehow the entire school knows it. Can a relationship survive through classmates' expectations, unending homophobia, infidelity, injury, and even separation? Dan could only hope.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan was distracted as he boarded his bus away from the living hell that was his high school. His first day back from winter holiday was finally over. Even after a whole semester, he still wasn’t sure why he had to be there. He was a mere 8th grader in a sea of high schoolers, only there because his dumb school system didn’t have a middle school. All he could ever think of was getting away. However, he had a few shining lights in the darkness that was his life, and those were his friends. 

However wonderful his friends usually were, that day was a pain. Since most of his friends were girls, they tended to enjoy making fun of him. He didn’t mind most of the time, but that day they struck a soft spot. They called him a “flaming homosexual” during lunch. Dan had been called gay for years. The fact that most of his friends were girls didn’t help much. And no matter how many girls he dated, people still called Dan gay. But his friends usually supported him! Dan knew he was straight and he thought his friends did too. But he realized he may have been alone in that knowledge.

Adding to his dismay that day, when he climbed onto the bus home, he found that all his friends had decided to sit with each other instead of him. Dan slumped into a seat alone and set his backpack beside him, hoping to ward off anyone who may want to sit with him. He wasn’t sure why anyone would, but he didn’t want them to. Soon, the bus was packed. The only seat left was beside Dan. He panicked for a moment, but soon the doors closed and he exhaled and began to settle in for the ride home. Suddenly, a tall, black-haired boy Dan had never seen before came running up to the side of the bus. The bus driver opened the door and let the boy in. 

“Sorry,” he said, out of breath. “I don’t usually ride this bus.” He smiled widely at the bus driver and made his way towards Dan and the only empty seat on the bus. 

In the split second before the boy reached him, Dan was mesmerized. Dan had always loved black, and the boy’s jet-black hair was very drawing to him. The taller boy wore a simple t-shirt and jeans, but something about his cheerful smile made Dan feel happy before he even came near him. Dan felt a flutter in his stomach that he couldn’t identify. He attempted to analyze it, but before he got the chance, his thoughts were interrupted by a voice. 

“Is this seat taken?” Dan looked up and saw Phil smiling at him. 

He moved his backpack and responded with a smile, “Not at all!” Dan felt an instant connection with the boy as he sat down, although, once again, he couldn’t identify it. He looked at Dan and smirked. Dan could tell he was stirring something up in his brain as the bus rolled out of the school parking lot.

“I’m Phil, by the way,” he said, still wearing that mischievous grin. “What’s yours, babe?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Dan replied, thinking he must have heard Phil wrong. Did he just call Dan babe?

“What’s your name?” Phil asked again with a chuckle.

“Oh, I’m Dan.” 

“That’s a real nice name, you know. Just like you.” Phil gave Dan the same smirk as he did a few seconds earlier, and Dan still wasn’t sure how he felt about this new boy. 

Dan just blushed and replied, “Thanks…” He paused for a second, then decided he should make some small talk. “What grade are you in?” 

“I’m a sophomore,” Phil replied. “Yeah, only two and a half more years left in this dump. And you?”

“Only an 8th grader.” 

“Ouch,” Phil said genuinely. “This place really does suck. I’d take you with me when I leave if I could, but I don’t think that would be legal.” Dan tried not to express his immediate thoughts on that sentence. He was unsure of what was happening, but he could definitely tell that Phil was acting very strangely. Was Phil hitting on him? The bus rolled to a stop. “This is my stop. See you tomorrow, babe.” Phil winked as he stood up and got off of the bus. Phil was definitely hitting on him. 

Before Dan could manage to get his thoughts together, his best friend Louise seat hopped over to him. “Saw you talking to Phil Lester. Things got pretty steamy there, what’s up with that?” she said suggestively. 

“Honestly, I don’t know. It seemed like he was flirting with me.” 

“It sure did. The funny thing is, he’s supposed to be straight.” The bus slowed to a halt once again and Louise stood up. “Good luck with that, Dan,” she said. “Text me.” And she left, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts once again.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan threw his backpack on the floor in his bedroom and sat down on his bed. He pulled out his phone and quickly shot a text to Louise. “So you know that Phil kid?” 

She quickly responded, “Yeah, he’s a sophomore. Fairly popular, lot of friends, completely straight. Not sure what the deal was with you on the bus.”

Dan shot back a quick “Idk!” and tried to avoid thinking about his own problems. 

He immediately got a text back from Louise asking him, “Didn’t that make you uncomfortable, you know, as a totally not flaming homosexual?” Dan rolled his eyes and sent back a glaring emoji. “Really tho,” Louise texted back. “Doesn’t it bother you?” 

Dan thought about this himself for a minute. Phil had been all over him and Dan didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. He messed around with his friends all the time, but he barely even knew Phil, and none of his friends were even that flirtatious. “Idk…” Dan texted back. “There’s something about him that just makes it seem normal.” 

“Looks like someone’s got a crush…” Louise sent back with a winking emoji. Dan just put down his phone and went to get a snack. 

Dan boarded the afternoon bus again the next day, groaning over the day he had. His teachers assigned boatloads of homework, all due the very next day. He would barely have enough time to do it, let alone any time to relax. Of course, he also blamed himself a bit. At least a quarter of his homework was due to him thinking instead of doing his classwork. He still couldn’t fathom what went down with Phil the day before. Thankfully, he saw Louise sitting alone. He would be able to sit with her instead of Phil. Dan made his way to where Louise was sitting, but before he could sit down, she placed her backpack in his spot. “Hey!” Dan said. “I was gonna sit there!” Louise smiled smugly and Dan caught on to what she was doing. “You just want me to sit with Phil again, don’t you?” 

She smiled evilly and said, “Maybe.” Dan plopped down in the empty seat across the aisle from her. After a moment of Dan staring angrily at Louise, she finally said, “I ship you two, you know that?”

“I hate you, you know that?” Dan said jokingly. 

“Who are we shipping here?”

Dan turned around to see Phil standing in front of the two of them. “You and Dan,” Louise said with a smile, a despicable glint shining in her eye. She looked at Dan, who was blushing and giving her a straight up stink eye. 

“Oh really?” said Phil, seeming ready to join the fun. Phil sat down on Dan’s lap and looked into Dan’s brown eyes. “Maybe we should give the people what they want, babe.” Phil winked just as he did the day before. 

Dan blanked out from the rest of the world. He could hear Louise stifling giggles a few feet away, but the sounds seemed off in the distance. He was sure he was blushing horribly, but all Dan knew at that moment was the face inches from his own. He was instantly entranced by Phil’s eyes. They were a color palette of a seaside morning; a wonderful mix of blue and green, with a pinch of yellow added in to make the most incredible blend Dan had ever seen. Above his eyes was the jet-black fringe he had noticed the day before. However, Dan couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away from Phil’s eyes.

Although it seemed like an eternity to Dan, in reality, the two were only making eye contact for a few seconds. Phil blinked and Dan awoke from his trance to see Louise horribly failing to keep from laughing. Dan blushed an even darker shade of red than he was sure he already was. It was then that he seemed to regain his sense of touch.

Dan suddenly realized that Phil was literally on top of him. He looked up at Phil and saw the older boy looking back at him. “You alright there, babe? You seem a little out of it.” Dan realized then that it was obvious that he was acting off, and decided he needed to calm himself down quickly. 

“Oh, I’m fine.” Dan smiled as genuinely as he could, and Phil responded with an actual true smile. Dan couldn’t help but notice that his teeth were every bit as perfect and enchanting as his eyes and hair. 

“Good, I was almost starting to get worried.” Phil swept his hand down Dan’s cheek and Dan blushed harder than ever. The bus rolled to a stop and Phil stood up. “I won’t be riding this bus every day, just so you know,” Phil said. This was the only time Dan had ever seen him seem remotely sad, and it made Dan feel a bit sad too. “It’ll probably be a while until I ride again, honestly…” Phil perked up after this sentence. “But, hey, when I do, save me a seat on your lap, okay babe?” Phil winked for the third time since Dan met him, and he left the bus once again. 

“He is supposed to be straight, right?” 

Louise had seat jumped across the aisle and was sitting beside Dan. Only one thought crossed Dan’s mind, although he knew at that point his best choice would be just to keep it to himself: Yeah, and so am I.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week and a half since Phil had ridden Dan’s bus. Dan knew he had said he wouldn’t be riding for a while, but he had no clue how long “a while” would be. Every day after school, Dan would climb onto the bus, and regardless of whether or not Louise was sitting with anyone or not, he would sit in the seat across the aisle from her, hoping Phil would finally return. Yet, every day, when the bus doors closed, he would seat hop across to sit with Louise if she wasn’t alone, and she could tell he was disappointed. 

Dan was still unclear of his thoughts about Phil. The one thing he knew was that he missed Phil. A lot. The older boy made Dan happy. Dan was a fairly happy person, but when he was with Phil, his face lit up. There was just something about him…

One Thursday afternoon while Dan was sitting in his room doing his homework, his phone buzzed and he looked down at his illuminated screen, reading, Facebook- Phil Lester is requesting to be your friend. Dan’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. He snatched up his phone and immediately sent a text to Louise. Phil friended me on Facebook! What do I do!? 

What do you do? Friend him back, you dumbass. 

Like, now? Or should I wait a bit!?

You sound like a lovestruck teenage girl. 

Dan decided not to answer that. He knew she was right, and he was being silly. He accepted Phil’s friend request and went back to his homework. Within five minutes, his phone buzzed again. Messenger- Phil Lester: Hey babe. 


	4. Chapter 4

Monday afternoon, Dan mindlessly climbed the steps to the bus. He had taken five pop quizzes and sightread 3 pieces in band. Then, he had forgotten his backpack in the band room and had to run back so he wouldn’t miss the bus. There were barely any seats left. He wasn’t paying attention as he panted and walked down the aisle. He had forgotten Phil was riding all week, and nearly walked right by him. But Phil wasn’t having it.

“Woah!” Dan felt a hand reach out and grab his backpack handle, pulling him into a seat. He turned his head and saw Phil grinning at him. 

“You weren’t going to ditch me, were you?”

“Oh, no… I just had a really rough day and forgot my backpack.” 

“Rough day?” Phil could sense that Dan was tired and braindead, and hatched an idea to make him feel better. “Well, I can help with that.” 

Dan looked up curiously as Phil hopped onto his lap. It only then occurred to Dan how little that bothered him. The weight on him didn’t cause him any pain, and being so close to Phil didn’t either. 

Since he discussed his sexuality and feelings for Phil with Louise a few days ago, he’d been thinking deeply about everything he did and thought. Despite what he’d been telling himself for years, he finally reached a conclusion: Dan was not straight. He definitely wasn’t ready to label himself, but he took the “straight” label off in his mind. 

As hard as he tried for a few hours after the encounter Friday, Dan couldn’t ignore his feelings for Phil. Although he finally began to recognize and acknowledge them, he didn’t think he was ready to embrace them. He had to spend some more time with Phil and try to relax and be less awkward. Maybe he’d learn how to take in these foreign feelings. 

Despite the fact that Dan was feeling much better about his feelings for Phil, it didn’t help with the fact that his day sucked. While all these thoughts were stirring in Dan’s head, Phil started tickling him. Dan jumped and started laughing. Another reminder went through his head as to how little Phil’s touch bothered him. In fact, it didn’t bother him at all. He smiled, feeling like Phil really was cheering him up. 

After almost a minute of non-stop tickling, Phil finally stopped. By then, tears were streaming down Dan’s cheeks from laughing so hard. Phil reached out and dried Dan’s face with his sleeve. Dan smiled softly and lovingly, and Phil smiled back. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck, and the butterflies from the first day they met returned to Dan’s stomach. 

Phil was going to kiss him. Dan knew he was. He didn’t know if he was ready, but he didn’t have much time to decide, because Phil was already leaning in. Suddenly, the bus screeched to a halt and Phil was thrown up against the bus seat in front of them. Dan giggled quietly before asking, “Are you okay?!” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Phil was laughing too. “I guess that’s my stop.” Dan smiled wearily before Phil put on his backpack. “I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” Dan blushed lightly as Phil stood up. “Dan?” The younger boy looked lovingly up at the standing Phil. 

Phil simply created a heart with his hands, and Dan did the same, both boys smiling wider than they had all day. 

Tuesday was a better day for Dan. His classes were considerably easier. Of course, he didn’t remember many of them, as he tended to remain inside his head. All he could think about the entire day was Phil. He knew Phil would try to kiss him again, and he had to figure out if he was ready. At lunch, Dan set his lunchbox at his usual spot in the cafeteria, still deep in thought. 

“You seem off today.” 

Dan looked up to see Louise standing beside him. “Yeah, just… Thinking.”

“About Phil?” 

Dan smiled. “You know me too well.”

“Talk to me.”

“He tried to kiss me yesterday.” 

“I saw. It was incredibly cute. Are you guys a thing yet?” 

“That’s the thing.” Dan looked discouraged. “I don’t know if I’m ready. I really do have feelings for him. I just don’t know if I’m ready to kiss him. And you’re right! We’re technically not even a thing. Is this something I want?” 

“Dan, you know I can’t answer that.” Louise smiled weakly and went off to sit with her cheer friends. Dan’s usual lunch friends arrived and sat down in their spots. Dan faked a smile and went back to his thoughts. He didn’t want anyone else to know. Not yet. 

Dan left the band room that afternoon and walked towards the buses, still not completely sure what he wanted. “Hey!” Louise jogged up to his side, slowing to his pace when she finally reached him. “So, what did you decide?”

“I…” Dan stuttered, trying to make a decision. “I still don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to do what feels right.” They climbed onto the bus and sat on separate sides of the aisle. Phil was boarding the bus shortly after Louise and Dan reached their seats. He, as expected, sat on Dan’s lap and smiled widely at him. Dan smiled back.

“Someone’s in a better mood today,” Phil said as the bus left the school. 

“Yeah, I guess I just had a really good day.” Dan smiled the soft and genuine smile that Phil couldn’t resist. Before either of the boys could think, Phil was kissing Dan. Phil pulled away quickly and saw Dan sitting, awestruck.

“I…” Phil stuttered for the first time since Dan had met him. “I didn’t know…” Dan smiled at Phil. He actually found Phil’s awkwardness kinda cute. “I should have asked if you were-” Phil was cut off by Dan’s lips being pressed against his own, and Phil kissed back. They had lost count of how long their lips were locked when the bus jerked to a stop, this time throwing both of them into the back of the seat in front of them. They giggled lovingly, looking into each other’s eyes with true happiness. As Phil stood up to leave, Dan made the same heart with his hands that he and Phil had shown each other the day before, and Phil returned it with a smile before leaving the bus. Dan sighed, finally knowing. 

This is something I want.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Homophobia, including f slur

Dan was feeling queasy. 24 hours earlier, he was happier than he’d been in a long time. He had finally built a palace in his mind; a place where he could be truly happy. But it was all crashing down in front of his very eyes. He thought back, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

When Phil had gotten off the bus the day before, Dan felt nothing but glee. Predictably, Louise hopped across the aisle and took a seat beside him. “That just happened.” 

“Yeah…” Dan trailed off, still entranced. He’d kissed plenty of girls before, but this was different. He’d never felt so mesmerized by a kiss before. Honestly, he’d never really initiated a kiss before. Usually his girlfriend would do it. As much as he’d hated to admit it, Dan had never really been the dominant force in his relationships. To finally feel confident enough to lean in and kiss someone, let alone Phil… It was a new rush, and Dan liked it. 

“Dan…” He awoke from his trance, not because she said his name, but because he could tell she was concerned. 

“Louise, what’s wrong?” 

“Dan, as much as I love the new gay you, that doesn’t mean that everyone else will.” 

“Okay, I know this. What’s your point?”

“You seem to have forgotten we’re on a bus with 30 other high schoolers.” Louise showed Dan a picture of him and Phil kissing on Snapchat… Then another… Then a few more.

“Oh no…” Dan’s heart immediately sank. “The entire 8th grade class will know by tomorrow.”

“Exactly. You better ready yourself now. It’s not gonna be pretty.”

“Look, it’s the gay kid…” some whispered.

“FAGGOT!” others yelled.

Dan could hear every bit of it. The pictures of Dan and Phil kissing on the bus had been shared on every social media platform Dan had. The majority of his friends stuck by him, but even a few of them were so homophobic they wouldn’t go near him anymore. He walked the halls beside his few loyal friends, all of them keeping their heads down. 

In gym, the jocks spiked a volleyball in his face every time they got the chance.

In math, the nerds laughed at him when he got a question wrong.

In band, the entire room laughed at him when he missed his entrance because he wasn’t paying attention. After that, he tuned out completely. He still didn’t know where it all went wrong. 

“Dan?” He didn’t notice Louise calling his name as he stood in front of the xylophone he had been playing before he tuned out. He did, however, notice when she slapped his arm. 

“Ow! What was that for?” 

“The bell just rang! You’ve been out of it for half an hour. Get your backpack. We have to go.”

Flung back into reality, Dan grabbed his bookbag and took off, Louise by his side. They reached the crowd leaving the band room and slowed to a walk, inching ever closer to the bus ride that Dan wasn’t ready for. He didn’t want to face the kids that spread his kiss across the internet. Louise climbed the steps first, then Dan. Looking around, Dan saw nearly every student in every seat staring at him. They all knew. Dan could tell. 

He plopped down in his usual seat, Louise across the aisle. Phil clambered down the aisle, and Dan could tell the older boy had almost as bad a day as he did. Almost. 

Phil sat down beside Dan, who didn’t notice the fact that Phil hadn’t sat on his lap like he usually did. All Dan could think about looking at Phil was his new association to the ruining of Dan’s life. “Hi, Dan…” 

“Hi.” Dan’s tone was sour, and Phil heard it. 

“Dan, are you okay?”

“Am I okay? No, I’m not okay. My life is wrecked because of you.”

“Dan, I thought it was mutual…”

“Well, it wasn’t. If you hadn’t of kissed me, I wouldn’t have kissed you.” 

“We’re in the same boat, you know. I’m under fire too. There’s nothing we can do to change that now. Why should we throw away what we have?” 

Dan softened a bit, but his head was full of nothing but countless kids calling him a faggot and laughing at him. “We don’t have anything.” Dan turned away from Phil and looked out the window. He watched as dark gray clouds covered up the sun that had been shining all day. Dan felt tears forming in his eyes, but he held them back. He heard light sobbing behind him and turned towards Phil. 

What Dan saw sent the wall he was attempting to build between the two of them crashing down. Tears were streaming down Phil’s cheeks faster than he could wipe them off. Dan couldn’t hold his own tears back any longer. He never thought Phil would be a crier, and seeing him crying made Dan realize that it wasn’t Phil’s fault. Dan kissed Phil back. There was no blame involved. He was just taking out his anger on the only person he could think of. 

“Phil…” The older boy looked up, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t have blamed you. I… I love you.” Phil finally smiled up at Dan. “You’re right. We don’t have much left, but we can’t change it now. We still have each other and I don’t want to lose you, Phil.” 

Phil tackled Dan in a bear hug, and Dan started laughing. “I love you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Homophobia, Disowning, Mentions of Violence/Fighting/Bullying

Dan walked through Thursday with his head held high. He heard people laughing at him and calling him names, just as they had the day before, but instead of cowering, he simply ignored them. He knew he couldn’t do anything about it, so he didn’t try. He was amazed at his own newfound ability to not be phased by people making fun of him. The fact that Phil was there and that he would see Phil at the end of the day made it impossible for his spirits to drop. 

The final bell rang and Dan walked to the bus with a spring in his step. He sat down in his usual seat and waited for Phil. Soon, he saw Phil’s jet-black hair climbing the bus steps and a smile crept across his face. The smile quickly turned to a frown when Dan saw Phil’s face. The older boy had a black eye and a cut on his lip. 

“Hey babe.” Phil smiled a weary smile as he sat down on Dan’s lap the way he always did before Wednesday. Dan was glad to see him doing this again, but he was more worried about what happened to him. 

“What happened?” Dan’s face showed pure horror and concern.

“My friends turned on me after seeing the picture and beat me up. I tried to fight back, but there were too many of them.” 

This reminded Dan that he wasn’t alone in his struggles with people being less than warm towards him after finding out he had kissed a boy. Phil was supposedly “straight” as well. “I’m so sorry…” Dan took Phil in a tight embrace and Phil hugged back. 

“Thanks…” Phil gave Dan a quick kiss. Dan gasped. “There’s not much reason to hide anymore, since literally the entire school already knows. We can do whatever we want.” 

Phil had a point. “You know, you’re right. So what does this mean?” Dan knew there was an underlying point he was trying to get across, but he couldn’t tell what it was. 

“Well…” Phil was forming a sneaky smile. “There is the winter homecoming dance next week…” 

Dan was more than mildly surprised. “You think we should go to the dance together? Phil, I’m not sure if I’m ready…” 

“Everyone already knows anyway. What’s the harm?”

“I guess you’re right…” 

“So, will you go to the dance with me?” 

“I will.” 

By lunchtime Friday, almost everyone who knew about Dan and Phil also knew that they were going to the dance together. Dan wasn’t bothered by it. Phil was right. It did no harm. People would make fun of them either way, so they might as well be happy.

Dan sat on the bus waiting for Phil. He had earlier realized that this would be the last day he’d see Phil before the dance, since it was the last day he’d be riding the bus. It made him sad, but he knew they could still text each other. Phil was taking longer than usual to get to the bus. Dan knew he shouldn’t be worried, but he was. 

Eventually, Phil boarded the bus holding a bouquet of bright red roses. He drew every eye in his path as he made his way to Dan. He set down his backpack and sat down on Dan’s lap, still being watched by the entire bus. 

“What’s all this?” Dan was laughing at Phil’s grand gesture, completely clueless as to what it was for. 

“You know, I realized something the other day. I never officially asked you out.” Phil was right. The two never officially started dating. “So, Dan, will you be my boyfriend?” 

Dan chuckled. “Of course I will, you spork!” 

Dan wore a huge smile as he carried the roses into his house. He walked straight into his mother, who immediately asked him, “Who gave you those?” 

“Uh…”

“Dan, have you got a girlfriend?”

“I…”

“Dan’s finally got a girlfriend!” 

Dan’s dad appeared out of the living room. “What’s her name?” he asked.

They both seemed eager, and Dan was nervous. At least he didn’t have to lie when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend. “Guys, I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

His parents looked puzzled. “Then who gave you the roses?” 

“Well…” Dan couldn’t think of an excuse. He had no choice but to tell them the truth. He was sure it couldn’t go too horribly wrong. “My boyfriend’s name is Phil…”

Dan sat in his room with the door locked. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes were red and puffy. He picked up his phone and texted Phil. You’re old enough to drive on your own, right?

He got a nearly immediate response. Yeah, why do you ask?

Dan pushed the “share my location” button. Pick me up, and HURRY… Please…

I’m on my way… But you owe me an explanation.

Be subtle showing up, and text me when you get here. 

Dan dumped out the contents of his backpack and picked up a blank piece of paper and a pencil. He scribbled a note, reading 

Dear Mom and Dad,

So, I told you the truth and you disowned me. Since you don’t seem to care about me anymore, Phil and I left. If you actually want me to come back, text me and I will. If you never want to see me again, that’s fine too. 

Goodbye, 

Dan

Dan started packing his backpack. He threw in some clothes, his laptop and chargers, and a few toiletries. His phone buzzed to alert him that Phil was there. He put his phone in his back pocket and unlocked his door, leaving his note on the floor by it. Dan opened his window and felt the cold winter air on his face. He grabbed a jacket and shoved a blanket into his backpack, zipping it up. Dan climbed onto his window and looked back into his room, wondering if he’d ever see it again before shedding a tear and hopping out of his first-story window.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Mentions of homophobia/disowning

Dan threw his backpack in the back seat of Phil’s car, plopping down in the front seat and slamming the door. “Dan, what’s wrong? Why did you ask me to pick you up?” Phil was concerned. 

“Just drive. I’ll tell you as we go.” 

“Drive where?”

“Just drive.” Phil pushed the accelerator and the car started to roll. Dan looked around. The car seemed pretty old and beat up. It was old enough to where it could almost be considered an antique. The driver and passenger seats were connected like a bench, in a style that only antique cars had. There was a smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol all around him and cigarette butts and beer cans at his feet. Dan was curious, but he knew he owed Phil answers before he asked for any himself. 

“My parents saw the flowers you gave me and wanted to know about my ‘girlfriend’.” Dan sighed. “I came clean. I didn’t think they’d take it as hard as they did. They disowned me, Phil. I don’t belong there anymore.” 

Phil appeared heartbroken. Dan knew he thought the whole thing was his fault. Sure, he was the one who gave the flowers that gave the relationship away, but Dan could have lied about it to his parents. And the two learned long ago not to put each other at fault. 

“Dan, you know I can’t just run away with you.” 

“I know… I left my parents a note and said if they wanted me back to text me. It’s between them and me and if they ever want to see me again, they can. It’s their choice.” 

“I can’t just take you back to my house, you know.”

“I know, Phil… Can we just go out for tonight? I’ll find something else to do with myself after that. You were just the only one I could think of to text.”

“Well, my dad’s conked out on the couch and he won’t be awake until tomorrow morning. But after that, I have to go to my mom’s. You can have tonight, but after that I have to go home.”

“Your parents are divorced?”

“Oh, yeah, I really haven’t told you that much about me, have I? My parents separated when I was little. My mom lives on one side of the school district, and my dad on the other. That’s why I only ride your bus every now and then. I went to my dad’s this week, but I spend most of my time with my mom cause my dad doesn’t exactly have the best lifestyle.”

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s probably drunk off his ass right now, and if you can’t tell, he smokes quite a bit.” Phil gestured to the cigarette butts and beer cans Dan noticed earlier. “I rarely drive to school because my parents drive their cars to work. I could only come pick you up because my dad was home and drunk already.” 

“Wow.” Dan was mesmerized to learn about his boyfriend’s life. He never knew Phil had such a complicated life. 

“So, where do you want to go tonight?”

Dan hadn’t thought about where he wanted to go yet. He left in a surge of rage and he had no clue what his actual plan was. “I don’t know. I assumed we’d sleep here, but you can decide where to park the car.” 

Phil smirked, obviously thinking of an idea he liked. “I know where to go.”

The sun was beginning to set and the two hadn’t yet reached their destination, although Dan didn’t mind. With every passing minute of Phil driving him along the countryside, Dan grew happier. He was enjoying the scenery and the mystery of not knowing where they were headed. Dan took a picture of the sunset over a hill on Snapchat as they drove, and put the date filter on it before pushing save. He wanted to remember this day. 

Dan watched as they drove by plenty of scenic outlooks, admiring each view, before Phil finally pulled into one. It looked over their entire small town, which was lit up at this time on a Friday night. They could also see the sunset over the mountain behind the valley their town laid in. 

“Wow…” Dan was amazed by the view. “Phil, how did you know about this place?” 

“My parents took me here when I was little. You know, before they split up.”

“It’s beautiful.” 

“Not as beautiful as you.”

After hearing this remark, Dan smiled and cuddled up to Phil, lying in his lap for once. Phil leaned down to give Dan a soft kiss, and Dan felt the same butterflies he had in his stomach the first time they kissed. The two smiled at each other, knowing they also had the same connection as the first time they kissed. 

After hours of aesthetic sunset pictures and the two boys talking and getting to know each other better, Dan was still in Phil’s arms. Night had fallen and the boys had gotten cold, so they pulled Dan’s blanket from his backpack and were snuggling underneath it as they looked at their town lit up with streetlights. Dan fell asleep smiling and still in Phil’s arms. The older boy smiled and stroked the cheek of the younger boy, wondering how they ended up there, and together. Eventually he, too, fell asleep, and they were both at peace. 

Dan woke up the next morning to the sound of a running car. He was buckled up in the passenger seat and Phil was driving. “Morning, sleepyhead. It’s starting to get into the morning, and I have to be back before my dad notices I’m not around.” 

Dan was immediately overcome with fear. His one night with Phil was up and he had no clue where he could go. He picked up his phone to see frantic texts from his parents apologizing and begging him to come home. Dan smiled at Phil. “You can take me home on your way.”


	8. Chapter 8

Dan wasn’t surprised when the buzz in the hallways Monday morning was all about his and Phil’s outing Friday night. He was, however, surprised when more of the buzz was about about winter homecoming. After his eventful weekend, Dan had completely forgotten about homecoming. Checking his phone, he discovered an email on his school account, alerting him that it was time to nominate people for homecoming court from the 8th grade. Dan should have been able to put two and two together, but he couldn’t.

Dan was blindsided on Wednesday when his name was on the list of nominees. He wasn’t worried, however, since nearly half of the male 8th grade class was on the list. Dan wouldn’t stand out any.

Dan stood out. A lot. When the Thursday morning announcements told of his victory, Dan was shocked. He had no clue why he, of all people, had been chosen for homecoming court… For about a minute. When the announcer reached the sophomore level, they announced that Phil had also made homecoming court. He didn’t know why he hadn’t realized earlier. Each member of the homecoming court had to find a date to walk into halftime with, and this would be putting the couple on display.

Dan didn’t know how to feel. He would be presenting himself, and a part of himself that he wasn’t even sure about yet, to the entire community. And they weren’t exactly accepting. But Dan knew Phil would be there for him. He was a blur of emotion.

Dan sent a frantic text to Phil. Meet me in the downstairs bathroom after first block.

Dan paced around the disgusting boys’ bathroom until Phil finally arrived. “What are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Phil, they picked us for homecoming court! Are we going to do it? Are we still going to go together? Are we even allowed to go together?”

“Dan, don’t worry. If you’re really that uncomfortable about it, we won’t do it. But let me remind you, they all already know. Why else would they have voted us onto the court? And of course we’ll still go together, as long as we still want to. And the rules are the last of my worries. Even our school is nowhere near homophobic enough to keep us from that dance.”

Dan’s nerves were eased slightly, and, thankfully, before he was able to come up with any new worries, the bell rang for second block. They would both be late, but Dan didn’t really care. Dan didn’t like class anyway.

Dan woke up Friday with feelings mixed between excitement and dread. He could sense his parents’ discomfort when he told them about homecoming, but they let him go anyway because they were trying to support him after the argument they had a week earlier. Dan arrived at school attempting to keep a positive mindset. 

Near the end of the school day, there was an announcement for all members of the homecoming court to head to the school lobby. Dan’s stomach was in knots as he walked to the cafeteria. His body was inching ever closer to the lobby, but his mind was somewhere else. Dan found Phil as soon as possible when he finally reached the lobby, and took his hand.

One of Dan’s teachers was waiting in the lobby, and she told Dan and the other members of the homecoming court that they were only called here so she could get the names of their escorts for the game that night. Dan’s heart plummeted. He knew that as an 8th grader, his name would be at the top of the list. He would have to be the first to give an answer, and everyone would be paying attention. He desperately wished Phil could tell her, but Dan knew it would have to be him.

Dan’s teacher read off his name first, just as he anticipated, and looked at him. “Phil Lester…” Dan spoke shakily, and looked around the circle. Everyone was looking at the two of them, and a few people were laughing. Dan’s teacher seemed in utter shock. It was almost funny. Phil squeezed Dan’s hand tighter as she, after a short pause, continued down the list. When she reached Phil’s name, she seemed to have a bit of an epiphany. She very quickly figured out who Dan’s escort was and didn’t even say a word to Phil, just scribbling down Dan’s name beside his.

The rest of Dan’s school day went by slower with every passing second until he finally met his boyfriend after school in the lobby. The two had planned out their entire afternoon earlier, and Dan did his best to remember all the plans. Of course, there wasn’t much to remember on Dan’s part. Most of the evening was planned by Phil, and Dan had no clue what they’d be doing. Their mystery “date” as it could be called, was one of the few things that Dan was actually excited for that day.

Phil wore his school clothes when he met Dan, although Dan was sure he would have something fancier to change into for the game and the dance. Even Dan brought a dress shirt and some nice slacks, although they were growing more and more crinkled up in his backpack throughout the day. Dan didn’t really care much about his appearance.

“You ready to go?”

“Go where?” Even as they were ready to go, Dan still had no clue what the plans were. He kinda liked it that way. 

“To town, of course!” 

The high school was in the center of their small town, so kids often went into town after class to go get coffee or dinner. Dan smiled and took Phil’s hand as the two walked off to Main Street, although Dan was still clueless as to where exactly they were going. But knowing Phil, Dan knew he was going to have a great time.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan and Phil talked and laughed all the way to town. Dan grew more and more comfortable with every passing second he spent with Phil. About halfway to Main Street, the two locked hands. Dan could feel stares piercing his skin, but for the first time, they didn’t bother him. 

The boys stopped in at their town’s only relatively fancy restaurant. The Italian restaurant was where seniors always took their dates before prom. Phil took Dan in and the two of them got a table. Dan couldn’t help but notice Phil keep glancing at him over the top of his menu. Once, they locked eyes and started laughing. Dan was still clueless as to how he ended up with Phil. 

Dan ordered stereotypical spaghetti, while Phil ordered a complicated pasta dish that Dan didn’t understand. Phil must have been there before. Phil smiled fondly at Dan as he awkwardly and very loudly slurped the thick spaghetti noodles. He had no clue how someone could love him this much. 

They both finished their meal and Phil took Dan’s hand in his. The two sat smiling at each other like dorks in love until Phil pulled out his phone and saw the time. “Check please!” Phil paid for both their dinners, much to Dan’s dismay, and once again grabbed Dan’s hand, pulling him out of the restaurant. 

Dan checked his phone. They still had half an hour before they had to be back at school for the start of the game. Dan couldn’t help but wonder where Phil could be taking him next. 

The boys stopped in front of their town’s ice cream shop. Dan laughed at his boyfriend’s stereotypical date location, but he loved ice cream, so he was happy to go in anyway. The shop was Dan’s favorite location in town. He always got a peanut butter chocolate swirl cone.

The two reached the counter and Phil asked, “Let me guess your order.” Dan was intrigued to see what Phil thought he would like. “Rainbow swirl mixed with strawberry in a cup.”

Dan burst out laughing as he ordered his usual. “Why would you think I’d get rainbow and strawberry?” Dan took his order from the barista.

“Well, you’re interesting, and you’re as gay as that rainbow ice cream.” 

Dan collapsed in on his stomach laughing. He managed to smear his ice cream cone all over his face. “Thanks, Phil.”

“Nice job, you spork.” Phil handed Dan a napkin, then turned to the barista. “One rainbow swirl cone, please.” Dan, who was trying to clean off his face, then smashed his ice cream cone into his shirt and started wheezing.

Dan sat on a bench beside Phil. He had long since stopped trying to clean off his shirt. He would change into his other one before the game. They finished off their ice cream cones then started the walk back to school. Dan wished the afternoon didn’t have to end. 

Back at school, Dan and Phil both went to the bathroom to change into their dress clothes. They smiled at each other before entering adjacent stalls and taking their clothes out of their backpacks.

Dan stepped out of his stall before Phil did, and threw his backpack on the floor before walking over to the sinks to fix his hair in the mirror. When he was changing his shirt, it had become ruffled up and even curlier than earlier. Dan still hadn’t figured out how to tame his curly hair. While attempting to fix his hair, Dan saw Phil’s reflection standing behind him, and turned on the spot.

Phil was wearing a tuxedo and smiling wider than Dan had ever seen. “Hey, babe.” Dan melted. He was more in love with Phil than he had ever thought possible, and he found himself just staring into Phil’s eyes. They looked just as much like a seaside sunrise as they did when the two first met. Phil walked up to Dan and placed his hands delicately around the back of his neck. The two embraced for a while, and when they finally split, Dan smiled at Phil. 

“You know, this is the blandest I’ve seen you in a while, Phil.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m still colorful as always.” Phil rolled up his pant leg to reveal knee-high rainbow socks.

Dan laughed at his boyfriend. “I love you, spork.” 

“I love you too, spork.” Phil smirked at Dan. “I have an idea.” Phil’s ideas were always either incredibly stupid, incredibly fun, or both. Either way, Dan was intrigued. “You know, we do have a dance tonight. How about we practice?” Phil reached out a hand and a smiling Dan took it. 

The two were both as clumsy as they knew a person could be, so they stepped on each other’s feet multiple times, but each time they just smiled and laughed at each other. Their long limbs gave them each little grace, but they danced as if they had all the grace in the world. 

After a few minutes, there was an announcement over the loudspeakers for all members of the homecoming court and their escorts to report to the lobby. A few hours earlier, the same announcement terrified Dan. Now, it couldn’t phase him any less.

They were told that it was time for the game and they would be allowed to sit in the stands and watch until there were five minutes left on the game clock, then they would need to come line up for halftime. Dan wasn’t that interested in basketball, and from what he could tell, neither was Phil, but they would both invest more of their attention into each other than the game. 

Five minutes. The game clock read five minutes. It was the second quarter. Dan’s heart was beating out of his chest. He didn’t know if he was ready. “Dan, it’s time to go.” Dan saw Phil at his side with his hand outstretched, the same way it was in the bathroom before they started dancing. Dan took a deep breath and took his boyfriend’s hand. They went to the gym lobby where the rest of the court was waiting, each member chatting with their escort. 

“Dan, are you ready to do this?” Phil could tell Dan was nervous.

“I don’t know… There’ll be so many people watching…” 

“There will. But all that matters is us.” 

The buzzer sounded, signaling that it was halftime. The lights dimmed and a spotlight shined on the doorway. They were rushed into a specific order by the same teacher that Dan told about Phil being his escort earlier in the day. Dan was, once again, first. Dan heard the announcer say it was time to introduce the homecoming court.

“From 8th… and 10th grade, Dan Howell and…” The announcer was obviously thrown off seeing that the two were both on the court, and even more thrown off when he found that the name following Dan’s was another male name. “Phil Lester?” Dan took Phil’s hand and walked, as courageously as he could, into the bright spotlight.


	10. Chapter 10

Dan heard the gasps. He heard the yells, and the boos, and the laughs. But he didn’t care. A few short seconds earlier, Dan’s stomach was in knots. But with Phil’s hand in his, Dan mustered up all the bravery he had in him and walked out with his head held high. 

But then Dan heard something else. He heard cheers and claps. Dan spotted a group of kids sitting in the corner of the bleachers. Dan had seen many of them before, but he knew them as the quiet kids who kept their heads down and never answered any questions in class. They were holding signs with Dan and Phil’s names on them, and LGBT flags drawn on them. Suddenly, Dan realized. He was helping these kids feel comfortable in their own skin. A smile grew on Dan’s face and he waved at the kids in the corner. Finally, Dan was doing the one thing he never could: embracing his sexuality. 

They stopped in the center of the gym. Dan noticed many people holding up phones as if they were taking pictures. Almost every phone was pointed at him, especially the phones of the kids in the corner. Dan had no clue which pictures were captioned with good things and which were captioned with bad, but he smiled at each one all the same. A large camera which clearly belonged to the photographer for the local newspaper appeared in front of them. Phil smiled at the camera, then at Dan. Immediately Dan was tackled in a bear hug. The two smiled at the camera. “Phil, I don’t think this is what people typically do when they’re on homecoming court.”

“Well, we’re not typical people.”

Dan pulled out his phone during the third quarter. Everyone’s Snapchat stories were of him and Phil. Some were adorned with rainbows, flags, and applause, and others read horrible insults. Thinking back, Dan knew that a few short days ago, a few hours, even, he would have been a nervous wreck reading these horrible things. But now, Dan just smiled and took Phil’s hand, only paying attention to the positive posts. Neither of them could remember a time when they were happier. 

Students piled into the school’s cafeteria after the basketball team’s victory. It wasn’t exactly the best location for a homecoming dance, but Dan was impressed with it. As it was winter homecoming, they went with a stereotypical snowy theme, but there was a snowflake-shaped light hanging from the ceiling at the center of the cafeteria and mini paper snowflakes all around the room. Along with refreshments in the corner, it looked like a legitimate dance and not an empty school cafeteria with lame music. 

Dan watched weightlessly as nearly five hundred kids packed into the huge lunchroom. He had been through so much already that this didn’t even worry him. He had already more than prepared himself for the dance. The part that took the most mental preparation was the first dance. Everyone on the homecoming court, along with their escorts, would be announced yet again and be the first ones on the floor for a slow dance. 

Dan took comfort in the fact that he’d have Phil with him as they stepped into the cafeteria hand in hand. This time they were met with roaring applause, easily covering up the boos Dan knew were around somewhere. Both of them smiled and waved at the crowd, full of glee. They stood in the center of the room, squeezing each others’ hand while the rest of the court walked in. 

After everyone arrived, the music started. Dan watched as the other couples began to dance, then noticed Phil let go of his hand. He looked up at the older boy, to find him outstretching his hand as to formally ask to dance. “You already had my hand, you spork.” 

“But now I’m asking for it formally.” Dan rolled his eyes and took Phil’s hand. They each wrapped their free arm around the other’s shoulder and started to dance. Dan looked up into Phil’s smiling eyes. Dan had always thought of them as a seaside sunrise, but he finally found something else to link those blue, green, and yellow eyes to: pure love. Although they were really dancing under a huge snowflake, in Dan’s mind it was a grand chandelier. They were in a huge ballroom, but Phil was still all he saw. Phil was all he’d ever see. 

Dan leaned in and kissed Phil. He knew it was probably a horrible idea, but at this point he didn’t care. It wasn’t like the entire internet already hadn’t seen it. And although there definitely weren’t any other couples making out on the dance floor, Phil was right. They weren’t a typical couple, and they never would be. Their lips remained locked, their bodies in a tight embrace until the song ended. When it finally did, Dan knew nearly five hundred phones captured the moment forever, but he wasn’t upset. On the contrary, he was glad. Dan wanted to save the moment. Although he was sure it was a moment he would never forget, Dan wanted to keep it in every way possible. 

The dance got gradually more fun as it went on. The DJ played Let it Go from Frozen halfway through, and the entire cafeteria groaned. Dan and Phil, however, looked each other in the eye and then started screaming lyrics at the top of their lungs. Although most of the students were just rolling their eyes at the song and the two of them, some joined in and they had a Let it Go moshpit. They were getting laughed at, but as with the rest of their evening, Dan didn’t care. 

“Alright, here’s the last song of the night.” The students moaned and groaned as the DJ announced that the dance was coming to a close, and groaned slightly more as they heard the song. Just as with Let it Go, unlike the rest of the kids, Dan and Phil knew this would be fun. 

“OOH BABY CAN’T YOU SEE!” they screamed the first line of Britney Spears’s Toxic. Dan laughed at Phil’s horrible attempt at the erotic moan at the beginning. The two continued screaming every word of the song, and when it finally ended, Dan was grinning ear to ear at Phil. 

“Why do I tolerate you?” Dan asked with a chuckle.

“You know you love me.”

“I know you love me too.”

“You got me figured out.”

The two walked down the hallway talking and laughing as Dan tried to teach Phil the moan at the beginning of Toxic. He just couldn’t get it. “You know that’s gonna have to be our song now.” Dan couldn’t resist the idea. 

“Obviously I can’t really sing it, but I’m going to agree with you anyway.” They picked up their backpacks from the bathroom where they forgetfully left them before the game. Dan checked his phone and saw a text from his mom saying she was ready to pick him up.

“Phil, my mom’s here. I’ll see you Monday.” Dan started to walk away, but Phil grabbed his arm. 

“Hey, you’re not getting away without a goodbye kiss.” Phil pulled Dan around into his arms and pressed his lips to Dan’s. The two remained like that for a few seconds, never wanting to move an inch. However, Dan broke the kiss eventually, not wanting to keep his mom waiting. 

“I love you, Phil.”

“I love you too.” Dan began to walk out the door. “Text me! Bye, babe.” 

Babe. Dan still didn’t get that word, but Phil liked it, so Dan did too. “Bye, Phil.” He smiled back at the beautiful boy with the sunrise eyes and the jet black hair one final time before climbing into his mom’s car and going home for the weekend.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The next few chapters are gonna be really angsty; just an fyi.

Dan was, for once, excited to go back to school on Monday. After the dance Friday night, he was feeling lonely without Phil and wanted to see him again. They had been texting all weekend, and Dan found out that Phil would be riding his bus for the whole week. His heart soared. Dan wouldn’t be riding Monday because he had percussion practice, but he’d be there the rest of the week. 

Monday, however, Dan agreed to meet Phil in the lobby before school and go get breakfast. It was about the only time the two could ever talk. They had before and after school, and that was all. Dan gleefully waved goodbye to his mom, getting out of the car and seeing a smiling Phil in the lobby. “Hey!”

“Hey, babe.” Phil planted a soft kiss on Dan’s lips, leaving Dan desperate for more. “How are you?” 

“I missed you.” 

Phil chuckled. “It’s only been a weekend, you spork!”

“What? You didn’t miss me?” Dan joked. 

“I did. Just not as much as you missed me.” 

“I can agree to that.” 

“That joke is so old!” Dan was laughing anyway when Phil put an orange slice in his mouth at breakfast. 

“It’s better than actually eating any school food.”

“Too true.” Today the school was serving powdered donuts. Those little wheels of white were nothing but trouble, as the powder got everywhere and some of the more annoying kids liked to throw them at each other. The two sat eating their donuts and Dan noticed a bit of powder on Phil’s lips. He giggled. “You’ve got a little…” Dan pointed at his lip and Phil licked his lips, giggling with Dan. 

As they stood up after breakfast to head to class, Phil burst out laughing. “What?” Doubled over, Phil pointed at Dan’s crotch, which he got donut powder all over somehow. Dan’s face went red as he brushed off the powder. He softly punched Phil in the arm, much more annoyed with his laughing outburst than the fact that he was looking at his crotch. In fact, the latter didn’t bother him at all. Dan shook that thought off. “Come on. It’s time for class.”

“Most of the section is busy, so there won’t be practice today.”

Dan gasped. He could ride the bus with Phil. He’d have to hurry though, as the first round of buses would be leaving in a few minutes. “I can ride the bus home, then?”

“I’ll still be staying, but you don’t have to since nobody else is. Go home if you want.” The section leader turned and picked up a drumstick before starting to twirl it. It seems the percussionist’s favorite game. Dan picked up his backpack and sprinted for the buses. As he made it to the courtyard, the first buses in the line were pulling out. He ran up to his and pounded on the doors. The bus driver let him in, his heart racing, and he began looking for a seat. What he saw made him sick to his stomach.

Phil was there, sitting with a boy Dan had never seen before. Well, on top of a boy Dan had never seen before. The same way he always had with Dan. The two were conversing and smiling. Phil was smirking and the boy was grinning, his face a shade of red Dan only recognized as his own when he first met Phil. 

Phil looked up and saw Dan, his eyes widening. “Dan, it’s not what you think… Dan, wait!” Dan forced the bus doors open and ran away as fast as he could, tears streaming down his face. He wanted to distance himself as much as he possibly could from the bus carrying the boy he thought loved him. Dan made it back to the band room, barely able to breathe, and threw his backpack on the ground. He slumped to the floor, his head in his hands, and sobbed. Dan didn’t participate in percussion practice. Instead, he remained heartbroken on the floor, unable to process the feelings running through his head. He was empty.

Dan walked through the lobby to get breakfast with his head down on Tuesday. A hand stuck out in his way, stopping him. He looked up to see Phil smiling weakly at him. “Can we talk? Please?” 

“No.” Dan continued walking towards the cafeteria, a single tear sliding down his cheek. 

“Please, Dan. Hear me out.”

“No, Phil. Leave me alone.” 

Dan was thrown against the wall, his wrists being held to it. “Look at me, Dan.”

“No.” Dan kept his head down, knowing he’d break if he looked Phil in the eye. 

“Dan.” 

He looked up to see Phil’s tear-stained face. He had seen Phil cry but once before, and he suddenly realized the only two times he’d ever seen Phil cry, it was because he was afraid of losing Dan. A bit of the wall he was building crashed down. He looked at Phil’s eyes. He was one of those people whose eyes always looked ten times more beautiful when he was crying. Dan could see the love he identified in his eyes at the dance Friday night, but he could also see the seaside sunrise he had seen in days past. They now had the water, making the beach scene complete. He was a work of art, and Dan was in love with him. “Please, Dan. I love you.” 

Dan now had tears streaming down his face as well. He loved Phil. He really did. But he couldn’t do this again. “I love you too, Phil. But I can’t trust you anymore.” He ripped his hands from Phil’s grip and walked off to the bathroom to dry his tears. Instead, he ended up crying until the bell rang, then attempting to clean off his face. Dan showed up late to first period that day. In spirit, however, he was never there at all.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Major Character Injury, Blood, Trauma, etc.

Dan lived in his own little bubble. He only talked to a select few friends, and nobody else. He wasn’t willing to get hurt again. His friends were starting to worry about him, but Dan didn’t care. All that mattered to Dan was keeping his sanity intact. He stopped answering questions in class, he stopped talking to people, and he walked through each day with his head down. Dan was a shell of his former self, the life sucked out of him by Phil’s betrayal.

It was like Dan was a totally different person. Thoughts of suicide and existentialism ran through his head every day, and nearly every day he cried at least once. The twinkle that once resided in his deep chestnut eyes was now unknown to Dan. He walked to town most afternoons after school, finding a quiet corner behind some bushes to sit in at the park. This was where he spent most of his tearful afternoons, and where he completed most of his homework. Even some of his teachers were starting to get worried about him, upon grading his tear-stained homework. But nobody was more concerned than Phil. 

Phil was almost as much of a wreck as Dan. Knowing that he brought all of this upon Dan, whom he still loved more than he thought possible, was eating away at Phil. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself unless he did something. 

One day, as Dan sat behind the bushes littering his algebra homework with tears, his phone buzzed. Dan glanced at the illuminated screen. Messenger: Phil Lester- I’m really worried about you. I’m so sorry. Please, just let me explain. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Dan missed Phil. He really missed him. And he still loved him… So much. But he knew he couldn’t handle getting hurt again. However, he was miserable without Phil. Dan decided he would at least hear him out. This was Dan’s chance to really find out what kind of a person Phil is. Fine. Dan texted back.

After a few minutes, Dan got a response. It was obvious to him that every second of those minutes were spent crafting this paragraph-long apology.. Dan, I love you. I’ll always love you. I’ll never love anyone else as much as I love you. And because I love you, I’ll tell you the truth. I was cheating on you that day on the bus. Dan stopped reading, and his heart broke just a little bit. Somewhere inside him there was still a tiny hope that it was all a huge misunderstanding and that Phil really didn’t cheat on him. Dan’s only hope for their relationship was gone. He shed a tear and continued to read the text. I don’t know why I did it. The bus was full, and this boy asked if he could sit with me. He seemed so cute and innocent, but flirtatious and dangerous. Like you. You said you wouldn’t be riding the bus, so I thought it would just be a one time thing and you’d never know. Of course, that definitely doesn’t justify it. Nothing does. But I’m sorry. So sorry. Please, please forgive me, Dan. We’re both miserable without each other. If it ever happens again, you can leave me in a split second and I won’t complain. Please, Dan. I love you.

It was apparent to Dan that Phil had put his heart into this message. However, he couldn’t give in. He sent back the strongest thing he could muster. I’ll forgive you Phil, but I’ll never forget. I love you too, I really do. But I’m sorry. I can’t date someone I can’t trust.

Dan, please?

I’m sorry, Phil.

The next few days, Dan noticed Phil following him to town. They took separate paths once they reached the main road, which Dan found way too metaphorical, but Phil walked right behind Dan with his head down nearly every afternoon now. The two looked almost like mirror images. They walked the same path to the main road, both of them focused on the ground with their hands in their pockets. You couldn’t tell who was who. 

Something inside Dan was telling him that this was all his fault. If he would just forgive Phil, they could go back to the way things were before any of this happened. They could be together and happy. But instead, they’re both miserable. But he reminded himself that he didn’t cheat. It wasn’t his fault. It was Phil’s. However, something still made him feel bad that Phil was so miserable. 

Dan watched his own feet move as he walked down the pavement. He didn’t bother to look as he crossed the street. What was the point anyway? He was too fascinated with his own feet. The way people walk is actually pretty cool. His black Converse rolled on the blacktop with each step. Suddenly, Dan was shoved to the ground. He heard a scream and the screech of brakes on the blacktop. Brushing pebbles off his bleeding hands, Dan stood up and let a scream out himself.

On the ground he saw a bleeding and mangled Phil, crumpled up on the ground in front of a school bus. Not even just a school bus. No, Phil had been hit by the very school bus on which they met. A realization hit Dan. Phil had pushed him out of the way. That would have been him on the ground if Phil hadn’t have been there. 

Dan rushed over to Phil, and fell to his knees, sobbing. He winced as he pulled out his phone with his bleeding hand and dialed 9-1-1. He was in horrible pain trying to grasp his phone with his cut hand, but the adrenaline rush was numbing the pain slightly. Dan told the operator what happened, and she said there was an ambulance on the way. Dan hung up, wiping the blood on his phone off on his black sweatshirt before tucking his phone away in his pocket.

Dan leaned over Phil, and attempted to examine his injuries. The boy was unconscious and his left leg was visibly broken. There were tire marks on the broken leg, and on his right hand. He must have fallen on his head, as the back of his head was covered in blood. Dan tried to shake him awake, but he couldn’t. He placed his bleeding fingers on Phil’s unbroken wrist, and was relieved to feel a pulse. He sobbed into his own hands, his salty tears stinging the cuts on his hands.

The ambulance arrived and the paramedics went to talk to Dan. He eked out the story in between sobs, and one paramedic raced over to Phil while the other continued to attempt to calm Dan down. He looked at Dan’s hands, and suggested Dan ride along in the back of the ambulance with Phil because he may need stitches to patch up the cuts in his hands. Dan nodded, not wanting to leave Phil’s side. His adrenaline was still too high for him to think straight, but he’d take time to analyze his thoughts and feelings on the ride to the hospital. 

The paramedics hoisted Phil onto a stretcher and loaded it onto the ambulance, allowing Dan to follow. He sat beside Phil’s stretcher and the paramedics closed the ambulance doors, heading to the front seat. Finally calming his adrenaline, Dan put his head in his hands and sobbed.


	13. Chapter 13

The tears didn’t stop. Since they lived in such a small town, the ride to the hospital was a little over half an hour long, but every time Dan tried to regroup himself, he broke down again. One single thought kept running through his mind: Phil could have saved his life. 

Dan wanted to think this through. He wanted to analyze every inch of the situation. But every time he tried, he saw a flashback of the crash or looked over at Phil’s unconscious body and began sobbing again. No matter how hard he tried, the ride was gone by the time Dan could even begin to think. 

Dan walked down the hallways of the crowded hospital beside the paramedics wheeling Phil’s stretcher. They directed Dan to a room before returning to Phil and pushing him down the corridor. Dan found his arm outstretched where Phil had been, not wanting to leave his side. It was then that Dan realized something else: Saving his life could cost Phil his own. 

On the edge of hyperventilation, Dan walked into the examination room. He barely paid attention until the doctor poured hydrogen peroxide on his hands and they began to burn. Dan screamed in pain before calming himself and simply wincing as the doctor bandaged his hands. Deciding he wouldn’t need stitches, the doctor released Dan and he retraced his steps back outside the ambulance entrance.

By now, the sun had set and the only light was from the bright streetlights that illuminated the parking lot. The ambulance was gone and Dan had no clue where to go or what time it was. He pulled his blood-stained phone out of his sweatshirt pocket and saw multiple frantic messages from his mom. He dialed her contact and told her all the details, including what happened and Phil saving him, and where he was. She said she’d leave immediately.

Dan knew his mom wouldn’t show for at least 45 minutes, so his only option was to head back inside and try to find Phil. He made his way around to the front of the hospital and walked inside, finding a receptionist. “Where would I find patients that were recently admitted, like about an hour ago?” The receptionist pointed him to the fourth floor, where he headed immediately. 

Upon arriving on the fourth floor, Dan found yet another receptionist. “Do you know where I might find Philip Lester?” 

The woman scrolled through her computer before responding, “We don’t have anyone by that name on this wing. Is this one of your friends?” Dan nodded. “Oh, then you want the pediatric wing. Fifth floor.”

Annoyed, Dan took yet another elevator ride up to the next floor, where the receptionist looked half asleep. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh, hey, what?” 

“Do you know where I could find Philip Lester?” 

Leaning on one elbow, she checked her server. “Yeah, he’s in room 528. Just got out of surgery.”

“Surgery?” He took off down the hallway, checking the time. Noticing his mom would be arriving in about 15 minutes, Dan shot her a text saying where he was. As he walked, he heard constant shrieks of small children writhing in pain somewhere in the wing. The whole experience made Dan even more thankful that Phil pushed him out of the way of that bus. Arriving at the room he was told Phil was in, he took a deep breath before pushing the door open. 

“Dan?” Dan had to fight back tears at the sight of Phil. His broken leg was adorned with a bright white cast and propped up on a sling. His right hand was also sporting a cast, an IV tube attached to his left forearm. Worst of all, his head was wrapped in bandages and he seemed a bit out of it. Dan couldn’t help but feel like this was all his fault. 

“Phil?” Dan walked over to stand beside Phil.

“Oh, Dan… Thank God you’re okay. The last thing I remember was pushing you out of the way of that bus and when I woke up here, I was terrified.”

“Don’t worry about me, Phil. I just scraped up my hands.” Dan showed Phil his bandaged hands. “You, however, took a real beating.” Dan gestured at Phil’s head. 

“Oh, yeah. I obviously broke a hand and a foot, and I banged up my head real bad. They don’t think it’s a concussion, but it’s pretty bad. It’s like a constant headache.” 

Dan couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, and they streamed down his cheeks as he spoke. “I’m so sorry, Phil. This is all my fault. If I had just been paying attention…” 

“Dan, it’s not your fault. It’s neither of our faults. Just be glad we’re both okay.”

“Phil, you’re not okay!”

“You’re okay, Dan. And that’s all that matters to me.”

“You saved my life, Phil.” 

“And I’d do it again. I still love you, Dan.”

The time had come for Dan to confront himself. He meant to do it much earlier, but he never could. Now, he had no choice. He still loved Phil more than he’d like to admit. But he betrayed him. Dan didn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care enough to be faithful to him. But Phil just risked his life for him. How could Dan not take him back? Dan loved Phil. Phil loved Dan. And if Phil was willing to do something like that, it had to be enough to prove it to Dan. Right? Dan made his decision. 

“I love you too. And I still can’t date someone I don’t trust.” Dan could see Phil’s heart drop along with his face. “But I trust you, Phil. If you’re willing to risk your life for mine, then you must really love me.” 

“Dan?”

“Phil?”

“I can’t hug you.” Dan giggled and wrapped his hands delicately around Phil’s neck, taking him in a gentle embrace before planting a soft kiss to his lips. Sparks went off in Dan’s body. He had missed the feeling of Phil’s kiss. Phil returned the short kiss before Dan pulled back, leaving Phil showing a toothy grin. 

“Better?”

“Much.” 

Both boys ended up blushing and smiling like idiots out of pure happiness to have each other back. Dan’s mom rushed into the room, pulling him into a tight hug. “Oh, thank God you’re alright, Dan. Oh, and Phil…” 

“Hello, Mrs. Howell.”

“Thank you.” 

“I’d do it again if I had to.” Phil smiled through his obvious headache as Dan noticed his mom’s expression change. Earlier, he could sense the hostility towards Phil, and a bit towards himself. Now, he could see her wall breaking and her opening up to the idea of him having a boyfriend. Or at least having Phil as his boyfriend. 

Dan waved goodbye to his boyfriend as he and his mom walked back out to the car. It felt good to think of Phil as his boyfriend again. And with this good feeling in the pit of his stomach, something told Dan everything was going to be just fine.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day was a Saturday. Dan was thankful, as he didn’t want to return to school after that anyway. The only place he wanted to go was back to the hospital to be with Phil. He quite easily convinced his mom to drive him back, but found more difficulty trying to get her to let him spend the night. 

“A hospital is not a place for a child to be alone all night!” 

“Mom, I’ll be fine! I know how hospitals are, we went there when Grandpa got sick.” 

She sighed. “I’ll be sleeping in the car in the parking lot. If you have any problems, text me or come and get me. Promise?”

“Promise.” Dan practically ran to the car. 

“You’re sure you want to sit here all day?” They arrived at noon, and his mom was insisting on staying. 

“I’ve got a few books to read.” Dan rolled his eyes at his mom’s persistence, but walked off, his bandaged hands in his sweatshirt pocket. He retraced his steps from the day before to Phil’s room, having flashbacks to his frantic racing through the hospital. Shaking off the negative thoughts, he walked into Phil’s room. 

“Hey, Phil!”

“Dan!” Phil looked much less sickly than he did the day before, and seemed more cheerful. “I was hoping you’d come. But aren’t you missing school?”

“No, Phil, it’s Saturday.” 

“Oh… Sorry, this head injury makes me forget simple things like the day of the week. I’ve lost the concept of time.” 

Dan was immediately concerned. “That’s only temporary, right?” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll go back to remembering every little detail you tell me eventually.” 

“Oh, joy.” Dan laughed, glad that despite the situation Phil still had his bright sense of humor. His stomach growled. “I’m gonna go get some lunch.” 

“Sneak me back some ice cream!”

“Brain freeze!” Dan giggled at Phil, complaining about the chocolate ice cream Dan brought him. “Man, I hope this doesn’t actually mess up my head.” 

Dan’s laugh turned serious. “Wait, that’s not a thing, is it?” 

“I sure hope not.” 

“Let’s just pretend this never happened.”

“Agreed,” Phil said, tossing the now empty ice cream cup in the trash can beside his bed. Dan did the same, settling down in a chair beside Phil’s bed and picking up the television remote. 

“Man, I’m glad this place has cable. I don’t know what we’d do the entire afternoon.” 

“Cartoon Network?”

“Obviously.” Dan channel flipped until he found Cartoon Network, which was showing Tom and Jerry. 

He and Phil watched as Jerry, the mouse, lured Tom, the cat into a trap, which ushered in the classic scene where Jerry hit Tom on the head with a mallet. Dan started laughing, but Phil didn’t. “That was a lot funnier before this happened,” he said, gesturing to his head. The two burst out laughing together. No matter what, Phil still radiated the same happiness he always had.

The two ate dinner, Phil eyeing Dan’s decent cafeteria food as he forced down the disgusting patient food. After dinner, the sun began to set and Dan crawled into bed with Phil. “Remember that time we watched the sun set over the town?” 

Dan laughed. “How could I forget? It was both the best and worst day of my life.” The two smiled together as the sun climbed behind the mountains and darkness settled on them. Dan lay in Phil’s broken, one-armed embrace as his eyes adjusted to their dark surroundings before he turned around to face Phil. Smiling up at his boyfriend, Dan saw the white bandages on his head and arm standing out in the dim light. His flaws are the brightest, but Dan was willing to overlook them. Looking at his bandaged hands, he remembered he had them too. 

Dan wrapped those bandaged hands around the back of Phil’s neck, pulling the broken boy towards him. Their lips collided as Dan’s hands ached from gripping Phil’s neck. The two stayed connected for as long as their lungs would allow, and even then they inhaled and connected once again. Neither of them wanted to let go of the other. Individually, they were broken. But together, they were whole.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Angst and Mild Violence

“Hi, Dan!”

“Hey, Janet!” Dan smiled at the receptionist as he walked down the hospital hallway. He had reached the point where he knew all the receptionists by name, as he’d been coming after school every day for the last week to see Phil.

“Morning!” Dan said, walking into Phil’s room and beaming at the Saturday morning sun shining through the window.

“Morning, Dan.”

“How’s it going?”

“I’m better. I don’t think I’m ready to leave though.”

“Oh. When do you think you’ll get out?”

“Right now.” Dan heard a voice behind him and whirled around to see who he assumed to be Phil’s parents standing there. Dan hadn’t seen either of Phil’s parents once the entire week, which honestly made him a bit sick. Their son could have died and they didn’t even bother to come visit.

“Come on, boy. We’re going home. No more expensive medical care for you.” Phil’s father spoke harshly as he walked over and tore the IV out of Phil’s arm. Phil shrieked and steam blew from Dan’s ears.

“Stop it, you’re hurting him!” Dan tried to pull Phil’s father off of him, but an elbow collided with his jaw and he was knocked backwards, crashing into the wall and falling to the ground.

“Dan!” Phil cried out. Dan put his fingers to his lips, pulling them back to see blood.

“That your little boy toy, son?” There was insanity in his eyes as he tore off Phil’s hospital bracelet.

“Lay off him!” Dan regained his strength and was standing behind Phil’s father, using all the courage he could muster to eek these words out.

He turned to Dan, walking right up to him. “I can do what I want with him. He’s my son.”

“Maybe he is, but you shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near him.” Dan smelled alcohol and marijuana on his breath. “You’re a drugged out alcoholic who should never be allowed to care for any child, especially Phil. He deserves better than you.”

Suddenly Dan was pinned against the wall. “Listen kid. You don’t tell me how to raise my son.”

“What on earth is going on in here?” All heads turned to the doorway, where a doctor was stood. Dan was released immediately as Phil’s father went to shake the doctor’s hand.

“I’m Phil’s father.” The doctor shook his hand slowly, looking the man up and down. Upon noticing his dingy t-shirt and jeans, he pulled his hand back.

“And where have you been all week?”

“I was never notified he was here.” Dan could tell he was trying to sound civil despite his anger and high.

“We attempted to reach you multiple times.”

“Well, it didn’t work.” Dan looked at the doctor, who was obviously suspicious of Phil’s father. Dan assumed he could also smell the drugs on his breath.

“And what happened to his IV and bracelet?” The doctor glared at Phil and back to his father.

“I’m taking him home. It’s too expensive here.”

“I advise against that.”

“Well, I’m doing it anyway. Come on, boy.”

“But I can’t walk?” Phil pleaded with his father, attempting to talk some sense into the man.

“Get him a wheelchair, doc, we’re leaving.” The doctor rolled his eyes and left, coming back a few minutes later with a wheelchair.

“He’ll be using this for quite a while. Don’t you want me to show him how to work it?”

“He can figure it out himself. Let’s go, boy.” Phil reluctantly and painfully eased himself into the wheelchair.

“I really don’t think you should…” Phil’s father paid no attention to the doctor, simply putting his middle finger up in the air and wheeling Phil out of the room. It isn’t until then that Phil’s mother emerges from the corner in which she’d been standing the entire time.

“I’m sorry, doctor… You too…” She gestured towards Dan.

“Dan.”

“Dan. We’re divorced for good reason. His temper is horrible. Don’t worry about him. Phil’s going home with me, not him. We’re only taking him now because we really can’t afford to have him here any longer. I’ll make sure to take as good care of him as I possibly can.” Dan exhaled when she said this, relieved that Phil was going somewhere safe. His own body ached from attempting to stand up to the man; he was terrified for Phil if that was where he was going.

“I hope you know I’m reporting him for the scent of marijuana on his breath.”

She smiled at him. “I actually believe that’s what’s best for all of us.” Turning on her heel, she followed Phil and his father out the door. Numb, Dan caught up with them.

“Well, Phil, I guess you’re checking out.”

Phil smiled up at Dan. “I guess I am.”

“What’re you doing here?” The bad-tempered man was particularly grumpy, Dan noticed.

“My mom’s waiting outside for me. I’m leaving, just like you.” Phil’s father rolled his eyes and he and Phil’s mother completed the check-out process. Walking outside, Dan waved goodbye to Phil and started heading off towards his mom’s car. Before he could get in, he heard grunts coming from behind him. Turning around, he found Phil’s father yelling.

“I’m taking him!”

“Why in hell would you take him? You’re both drunk and high off your ass and he’s already hurt enough! I’m taking him. At least that way he’ll be safe.” He attempted to wheel Phil away but she tore him off of the handles of the wheelchair, knocking it over. Phil winced as his broken arm and leg hit the blacktop. Dan ran over to him, setting up the wheelchair.

“I’ve got you…” Dan did the best he could to lift Phil up onto the wheelchair as his parents argued. He took off running through the parking lot, pushing Phil in front of him. “Where’s your mom’s car?”

“Over there!” Dan ran Phil to his mother’s car, throwing the passenger door open and helping him in. He folded up the wheelchair and tossed it in the back seat. 

“Lock the doors and only open them for you mom,” Dan said frantically as he shut the door. Phil locked the car and opened his window. “Text me as soon as you can, okay Phil?”

“Don’t worry. I will. Thanks Dan. You really saved me there. Nobody’s ever stuck up to by dad like that. He has a lot of problems and frankly my mom’s a bit scared of him.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Dan smiled at his boyfriend, still covered in bandages, yet as beautiful as ever.

“You too. I love you, Dan.”

“I love you too.” Dan leaned in the window and planted an abrupt kiss on Phil’s lips before hearing the older boy’s arguing parents’ voices drawing nearer. “Roll up the window. I’ll see you later.” Dan took off, sprinting to his own mom’s car. Flinging open the door and hopping into the passenger seat, Dan lolled his head back, holding onto hope that Phil would be safe. Hope was all he had left.


	16. Chapter 16

Messenger- Phil Lester: Hey, Dan. I’m home with my mom. 

As Dan’s phone lit up with the message, he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in for the last day. Picking up the phone, he shot back a response. What took you so long? 

I’ve been asleep? You do know a sick person needs a lot of sleep, right?

Oh haha. Fair enough. 

Just so you know, I obviously can’t ride the bus anymore. Not with this wheelchair. My mom will have to take me to school and back every day. And, I guess, at some points, my dad. 

Dan frowned, honestly a bit sad he would be losing one of the few times he had to spend with Phil. But, in all honesty, Dan didn’t want Phil riding his bus anyway if it meant going to spend time with his dad. Don’t worry about it. We can hang out every morning and afternoon before and after school. 

Good. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning. I just want things to go back to normal.

Me too. Tomorrow. 

Tomorrow. 

Dan walked down the school sidewalk towards the lobby, where he assumed he would meet Phil. He sat down on the tiled floor, wishing he had asked Phil when exactly he was going to show up. He pulled up his phone, preparing to text Phil, when his mom wheeled him in. “Phil!” Dan scrambled to his feet, running over to them. 

“Hey, Dan!” 

“I guess I can leave you here.” Phil’s mom smiled at her son. “I’ll pick you up after school, okay?” 

“Okay, mom.” 

“Bye, honey.” 

“Bye, mom.” Phil blushed as his mom left the school. 

“Do you want to go get breakfast?” Dan asked, and Phil nodded. Dan started to walk off. 

“Uh, Dan!?” He turned his head to Phil, not moving. “I’m not exactly very good at using this thing yet…”

Dan smiled softly at him. “I guess I’ll just have to push you. Oh, you poor, helpless injured child.” The sarcasm in his voice came across perfectly, and Phil rolled his eyes. 

“I am helplessly injured. You’re gonna have to help me figure out how to work this thing.” 

“After breakfast,” Dan said, wheeling Phil down the hallway towards the cafeteria. 

Despite multiple kids that neither of them had ever met coming up to interrogate them about Phil’s injury and their relationship, the two enjoyed the school’s disgusting breakfast pizza simply because it gave them time to talk. 

After their breakfast, the two made their way back to the lobby, where they were going to attempt to figure out the wheelchair. “So I guess you just roll the wheels forward?” 

Phil carefully pulled the wheels forward and the wheelchair began to move. Picking up speed, Phil shrieked. “I can’t help but feel like I’m going to fall flat on my face,” he said, cruising forward. “How do I stop?!” The wheelchair hurdled towards the door as Phil’s eyes widened. 

“Grab the wheels!” Dan screamed. Phil gripped the wheels for dear life, pulling the chair to an abrupt stop and flinging Phil forward. He fell up against the door, putting out his non-injured hand to stop himself and falling back into the chair, rolling backwards. “Maybe let’s not stop so quickly next time.” 

“I can agree with that,” Phil said, panting. The bell rang and students started heading off to their classes. “I’m still pretty bad at this. Can you take me to class? I’ll have my teacher write me a note if I’m late.” 

“Sure, where is it?” 

“Upstairs.” 

“Okay, see if you can make it. I’ll be here for moral support.” Dan started to walk up the steps. 

“Uh, Dan?” He looked back at the crippled boy attempting to make his way to the elevator. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Dan ran back down the stairs and into the elevator where Phil was already situated. As the doors closed, Dan planted a kiss on Phil’s forehead. “Maybe try looking up how to work that thing. I can’t trail you all day, you know.” 

“I know.” The elevator doors opened. “I think I can make it from here. Thanks for this morning. I’m happy we’re finally back together and spending time together.” The fact that they had even broken up had nearly slipped Dan’s mind by that point. 

“Me too. Back to normal?” 

“Back to normal.”


	17. Chapter 17

The early morning sun shone in Dan’s face as he trekked down the sidewalk to his school. He took a deep breath, taking in the fresh spring air as he admired the season change.

Walking through the front door, he found Phil sitting in his wheelchair in the lobby. That was one of the few pluses of Phil’s injury; he was extremely easy to find. “Morning, Phil.”

“Hey, Dan! I learned how to work this wheelchair!” He spun around in a circle, beaming.

“Cool! Now we can go down the hallway without fearing for our lives.”

“Breakfast?”

Dan smiled. “Of course.”

They walked down the hallway, Dan wishing he could hold Phil’s hand. That had been a problem for Dan since Phil got injured. If he was working his wheelchair, they couldn’t hold hands. “Hey, Dan?” Phil spoke as they reached their usual table in the cafeteria.

“What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you’d want to go to town today after school?”

Dan frowned. “I’d love to, but I can’t. I have percussion tryouts for next marching season.”

“Really?” Phil grinned. “Honestly, I’ve been thinking about trying out for the band. It would be a great way to spend more time with you.”

Dan snorted. “You don’t even play an instrument!”

“I play the piano!”

Dan was about to retort that there was no piano in marching band, but then he got an idea. “You could try out for the front ensemble! Well, we call them the pit. You can play in the mallet line! It’s like piano, but with two mallets that you hit the keyboard with instead of playing with your fingers. It’s like, xylophones and bells and stuff.”

“Wait, so I don’t even need to learn an instrument?”

“No! If you know piano, you can probably play in the mallet line.” Dan thought back to when he played mallets during concert band. “We should probably go get you music to look at today before the tryouts though. It’s not exactly easy to sightread.”

“I made it!”

“Great job, Phil! I made the bass line, like last year.”

“Nice! That’s what you wanted, right?” Dan nodded. “Did you want to head to town?”

“Of course!” Dan smiled, and the two were off. “You’ll be better by marching season, right?”

“Yeah, should be.”

“Good. You’ll need all the strength you have to move all that equipment.”

“I think I may just sneak out during that part and spend some time with you.” Phil winked.

Dan suddenly burst out laughing.

“What?”

Regaining control of himself, Dan answered him, teary-eyed from laughing so hard. “I just thought of you and all your little pit friends dancing to our cadences and stand tunes.”

“Dancing?” Phil’s face went emotionless. “You didn’t tell me anything about dancing.”

“Oh, don’t worry. They’re just little cute dances. Nothing elaborate. You’ll love it!”

Phil rolled his eyes. “I hate you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

Dan plopped down in a seat beside Phil’s wheelchair, handing him his coffee. “It’s nice to finally get out of the house. I’ve been stuck there for weeks in this dumb chair.” Phil frowned.

“You’ll get out soon.” Dan smiled at Phil, turning his frown to a smile.

“We’re out here now. And I guess until I can walk again, that’s enough for me.” Dan nuzzled his head into Phil’s shoulder, sipping his coffee. There the two lay until Dan’s phone buzzes.

“Uh oh.”

“What is it?”

“I maybe didn’t tell my dad we were going here. I told him practice ended later than it did, and I lost track of time. He’s ready to pick me up at the school, and it’s at least a fifteen minute walk back!”

He jumped up, Phil immediately wheeling around to the door of the coffee shop. “Then let’s go!” Dan took off sprinting down the sidewalk, adrenaline pumping through his veins. “Dan, wait!”

He turned to see Phil pumping his wheels as fast as he could, but struggling to catch up with Dan. “Oh yeah. I forgot you can only go so fast.” Dan thought for a moment. “I guess there’s only one thing to do.” He smirked, walking around to the back of Phil’s wheelchair.

“Whoa!” Phil pulled his hands off the wheels as they began to turn. Dan took off running, pushing Phil along with him. They came upon a hill, and Dan didn’t stop. Down the hill they raced, the wind blowing through their hair.

“Woohoo!” Dan screamed, feeling on top of the world. Reaching the bottom of the hill, Dan slowed up so as to not accidentally run Phil across a road.

“Oh, goodness gracious. Not again!” Phil said, as they nearly ran straight into the busy street. They crossed the street safely, making record time back to the school lobby.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Phil.” He looked down at the helpless boy sat in the wheelchair, deciding to take advantage of one of the few times they’d have alone in a long while. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to Phil’s, finally feeling like he was home again. With all that had happened, they promised each other things were back to normal, but Dan was struggling to keep his mindset that way. But when he kissed Phil, all his worries alleviated and everything was completely right in the world. Everything was normal.

Dan reluctantly broke the connection, knowing his father would probably already be angry at him for making him wait. “See you.” Dan waved as he walked out the door, smiling.

Phil smiled back, and Dan could tell he felt the same as he did about normality. “See you.”


	18. Chapter 18

Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. Soon, Phil was out of his wheelchair and completely the end of the school year was approaching. Kids were stressing over exams and anxiously awaiting the summer break. Dan and Phil, however, were savoring each last bit of the school year. When summer would roll around, they wouldn’t be seeing each other for months. 

They each muddled through their standardized tests and found themselves in the last week of school: exam week. As they’d each only missed a few days of school and gotten decent grades, they were both exempt from their exams. Basically, for Dan and Phil, school was over. However, they still came in every day simply to soak up every second together they had left. 

“Hey, Dan. You wanna skip class today?” Phil asked as they ate breakfast Friday morning. They had been sitting through busywork for the last four days and were quite frankly sick of it.

“We can do that?” 

“Yeah. They stopped counting absences Tuesday. And it is the last day of school, after all.” 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Do they even expect us to be here? Let’s go.” They finished their breakfast and hopped in Phil’s car. A thought suddenly hit Dan. “Phil?” 

“Yeah?”

“Where are we going?” 

Phil thought on this for a moment before smirking. “How much money do you have on you?” 

Dan was confused. “None? Why would I bring money with me to school?” 

Phil checked his wallet. “I’ve got about 150 dollars. Do you have around 75 dollars at home?” 

Confused, Dan responded slowly. “Yeah… Why?” 

“You can pay me back later. We’re going to Thrillpark.” Thrillpark was an amusement park a few hours away. As the name stated, there were over a dozen thrill rides. “Tell your mom we’re hanging out tonight and I’ll drop you off at your house around 7. Then we’ll have about 6 hours at the park.” 

Dan checked his calculations and agreed, texting his mom. “Let’s go!”

After paying admission and entering the park, they reached a fork in the path. “Where are we going first?” 

Phil glanced around, realizing neither of them had grabbed a park map. “We can go on that.” He pointed at a slowly spinning tower that overlooked the whole park. “Then we’ll be able to see the rest of the park and know what we should ride.” Dan agreed and they headed to the tower. When they reached the top, they looked out over the park and the mountains surrounding it. Smiling, Dan took Phil’s hand as they admired the view. 

“Look at that one!” Dan pointed to the drop tower, where people fell from as high up as they were.

“And look at that one!” Phil pointed at the tallest coaster in the park. It was even higher up than they were.

“Look over there!” As the tower began its descent, they saw a roller coaster right near them. Its riders were suspended on their backs, so they were experiencing the rush of flying backwards. “I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to fly.” Dan looked at Phil, suggesting simply with his stare that they should ride it. 

The tower reached the ground and its doors opened. “Okay…” 

Dan raced over to the coaster, Phil far behind him. Phil stopped in front of the coaster, staring at a group of riders whizzing through a loop. “Phil?” He turns his head to see Dan looking at him with a concerned expression. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah… I’ve just never been on this one before.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared.” 

“No, no…” Phil blushed. “Let’s go.” The park was just opening as they arrived, so there wasn’t a line for the ride. They hopped on the front cart, buckling in. Phil looked at Dan nervously. Dan extended him a hand, which he took and squeezed harder than Dan thought necessary. 

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fun.” Dan smiled, and with that, they were off. They rotated over onto their harnesses, and Dan reached his free hand out into the sky. He screamed as the wind blew through his curly hair. “Woohoo! I’m flying! Phil, we’re flying!” As his head was locked into place, he couldn’t look at Phil. All he knew was Phil was grasping his hand for dear life. 

Dan beamed through the rest of the ride, cheering every time they hit a loop. As the ride came to a stop, Dan unbuckled his harness and climbed out, his hair tousled from the wind. Phil emerged with his hair blown back into a charming ebony quiff. “See, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” Dan kissed Phil for only a second before he pulled back, leaning over a trash can and vomiting. Dan frowned. “Okay, maybe it was.” 

“Can’t do coasters lying down.” Phil stood up, making his way to a bench and sitting down.

Dan took a seat beside him. “I’ll let you rest awhile. Do you want some water?” 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Phil handed Dan a five dollar bill and Dan left for a few minutes, returning with a bottled water. 

“Better drink it all. The thing cost four dollars.” 

“Ah, the wonders of amusement park food.” Phil downed half the bottle, regaining his composure and standing up. “Why don’t we try something easier?” 

They ended up at the typical “hop in this cart and shoot things to win points and beat your friends” ride. The uncoordinated Dan quickly found that Phil had regained enough balance to obliterate him at the game. “You win this round, Lester. But I’ll strike back at the carnival.” 

And so they ate lunch, then maneuvered over to the carnival-themed section of the park. Finding a balloon-popping game, Phil pulled Dan over. “Oh, come on!” Dan whined. “You know I have no coordination. We’ve already been over this. There’s no way I can aim at and hit a balloon.” 

“Try anyway!” Phil gave the carny two dollars and he gave each of the boys three darts. Dan hit one baloon, and Phil hit three. The carny gave Dan a glow stick, and Phil a huge teddy bear. Dan moped towards the bumper cars, but he was stopped by Phil. “Maybe I have more coordination than you do, but you’re the real prize.” He handed Dan the gigantic bear, and Dan’s frown immediately turned upside down. “Happy now, Bear?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Take that!” Dan rammed into the side of Phil’s bumper car, laughing. 

“You know I find this very traumatic!” Phil yelled, getting jolted around the track. 

“Oh gosh, now I do too! Thanks a lot!” Both their faces turned to dread for a moment, but then Phil bumped Dan with his car. 

“Gotcha!” 

“Oh, get back here, you little…” Dan sped towards Phil, the front of his car but a few inches from Phil’s. The ride suddenly stopped, Phil laughing evilly. “I’ve really run out of chances to get you, haven’t I?” 

Phil nodded, checking his phone. “Especially since we have to leave in half an hour.” 

“Really? This has been so great.” 

“Yeah. One last ride?” 

“Totally. Which one?” 

Phil looked up at the tallest coaster in the park. “That one.” 

“You sure you’ll be okay?” 

“Yeah.” Phil smiled as they waited in line for the only coaster they’d ride all day other than the one that made Phil sick. But hours had passed and Phil was convinced he’d be fine. Dan decided to trust him simply because he wanted to go on the roller coaster. This time they were seated near the middle of the train, and Dan took Phil’s hand again. “We’re sitting down safely in a cart now. I’ll be fine.” 

The car jolted to a start, pushing them up the first hill. as they reached the top, the train just stopped. “It’s like Final Destination 3!” someone screamed. Dan and Phil clutched each other’s hands, holding on as if they were keeping each other together. Because they were. 

An announcement came over the coaster’s loudspeaker. “The ride has obviously shut down, but workers will arrive to get you off the train as soon as possible.” 

Dan looked at Phil, still gripping his hand. “Are we okay?”

“You’re okay. We’re okay.” 

After about ten minutes, workers appeared on a platform near the front of the train. “We’ll be unlocking your harnesses momentarily. Then, you’ll need to climb to the front of the cart and get out onto this platform.” 

Phil looked at the frightened, pale Dan. “You’ll be okay.” 

The loudspeaker spoke again. “Remain in your seats. The ride may be restarting at any moment.” It was the same announcement that had been repeated a few times for the last ten minutes. However, it was mildly unsettling when the harnesses were released right after. 

Dan and Phil rose, not letting go of each other’s hands. They carefully made their way over the seats, hearts beating. They made it onto the platform and cautiously climbed down the steps. As soon as they hit the ground, they took each other in their arms and held on. “You’re okay.” Phil whispered. 

They regained their cheerful states on the car ride home while listening to Taylor Swift and scream-singing. When they arrived back at Dan’s house, they kissed for a moment before putting their hands together. “Band camp is next month, right?” 

Dan nodded. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it a month without you.” 

“Don’t worry, you will. And we can text. You’ll be okay.”

“Thanks. Until next month…” Dan smiled weakly, slowly sliding his hands away from Phil’s. 

Phil returned to his car, closing the door and peering his head out the window. “You’ll be okay.” And with that, he drove away, out of Dan’s life for the next month.


	19. Chapter 19

Dan spent the month of June in his room, only coming out for food and the toilet. He didn’t see the point of leaving if he couldn’t see Phil. He could tell his parents were starting to worry about him, but Dan didn’t care. He simply ignored his surroundings and moved on with his days. 

His only happy moments were those when he was texting Phil. From Phil, he got every type of comfort he could possibly need. Sometimes they would have philosophical discussions at 1:00 in the morning. Other times they would flirt their day away. This time, they spent their evening sending random emojis back and forth. Dan didn’t know what half of them were, and neither did Phil. But as long as they were at least interacting, it brightened Dan’s day. 

It was the longest month of Dan’s life, but eventually July came around. Band camp would start in a week. He just had to make it through the week of the 4th of July. Of course, that would be the worst challenge of all. 

Dan’s parents insisted that he go outside and come with them to the 4th of July fireworks. He wanted to stay home and text Phil, but he wasn’t responding anyway, so Dan decided he might as well just go. His parents would make him despite his wishes. What was the point of wasting his energy fighting? 

He strolled the high school parking lot trying to find a place to connect to the school wifi. Leave it to his school to have wifi bad enough so that it doesn’t even reach ten feet outside. And who has fireworks at a high school anyway? Dan rolled his eyes, deciding to go get some cotton candy. Maybe sugar would make him hyper enough to trick him into being happy. He didn’t quite understand that thought, but he did it anyway. 

He walked by an ice cream cart and heard a familiar voice. “One rainbow swirl cone, please.” Dan turned to see a tall, ebony-headed boy ordering an ice cream cone. 

“Phil!” The boy’s head turned, and Dan stared into his blue-green eyes. The eyes widened, showing off their tints of yellow. Dan couldn’t see the yellow from a distance, but he could tell it was there.

“Dan!” He ran over to Dan, taking him in his arms and squeezing him as tight as he could without spilling his ice cream all over him. Phil finally let go as the ice cream started to melt on his hand in the sweltering summer heat. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you… I’m so happy you’re here.” 

Dan thought of his original reluctance to going outside. “For once, me too.” 

The two strolled around, enjoying the festivities. Finally, they came across inflatable bouncy houses and slides. “Are we going to?” Dan asked. 

“Of course we are.” Phil was already taking off his shoes. Dan struggled to catch up, then took off after Phil, who was running for the obstacle course inflatable. 

Catching his breath, Dan glared at Phil. “You’re kidding me, right?” 

“No. Why?” 

“You’re obviously going to beat me.” 

“Come on! It’s just for fun.” Phil smiled, lining himself up so he could go with Dan. They waited their turns, the tallest in the line of mostly elementary schoolers. They were definitely out of place, getting looks from children, adults, and even their own peers. But they didn’t seem to mind. When they reached the front of the line, they took off into the bouncy course. Dan immediately attempted to dive through the group of inflatable bars blocking his way, but simply hit his head, getting crushed by Phil, who jumped over. 

Eventually, Dan made it through, but then got knocked over by another obstacle. He was pushed to the side of the inflatable, struggling to get up. Suddenly, he found himself in the grass. He sat up, looking at the inflatable. Sure enough, there was a space in the protective side that he managed to squeeze right through. Dan didn’t just lose the race. He fell out of it.

He rushed over to the end of the course, where Phil was sliding down. “How did you get here? I haven’t seen you since we entered! Quite frankly, I was getting a bit worried.” 

“I fell out.” Phil burst out laughing. “I’m serious.” 

Still laughing, Phil sputtered out a few words. “How is that even possible?” He led Phil to the hole he fell out of, pointing it out to him. “That’s one hell of a safety hazard.” 

“Mhm.” Dan rolled his eyes as they headed back up towards the food. “How about some cotton candy?” Despite finding Phil, he still had been having a craving for cotton candy since he thought about getting some earlier. They went to the stand and bought some cotton candy, walking away from the stand and going to stand against the building and get some rest. 

“Hey, Dan. I have an idea.” Dan looked at Phil, questioning whether or not his idea would be completely stupid. “If we go around the school, we can watch the sunset.” 

Dan thought of the last time they watched the sunset together. It was one of the best nights of his life. “Sure.” He smiled, and Phil took off, leaving Dan in the dust. “Hey, wait up!” He chased Phil around the block, and they found themselves behind the school, where the sports fields were. Phil climbed the football bleachers and sat down. Dan, however, headed to the far right corner of the stands. “Come over here!” he yelled. 

Phil followed him, sitting down at his side. “Why are we over here, exactly?” 

Dan smiled. “This is where you’ll be spending your Friday nights this fall. The band section of the bleachers.” 

“It’s nice up here.” At this, Dan chuckled. “What?” 

“Well, you’ll be down there.” Dan pointed at a clearing at the bottom of the bleachers. “There’s no bleacher space for the pit.” 

“You mean we have to stand the entire game?” Dan nodded. “Man, you set me up good.”

Dan laughed. “I’ll let you sit with me whenever you can get away.” He winked, smiling. 

“Good. I don’t do standing.” Dan’s laughing intensified. 

“Who does?” They both smiled, looking forward as the sunset lit up the sky. There were shades of pink and purple tinting the dark orange sky. “Beautiful.” Dan admired the setting sun that he hadn’t gone outside to see in over a month. 

“Like you.” Dan smiled, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as they watched the sun retreat into the hills. As darkness fell over them, they heard a loud bang. Turning to the right, they saw fireworks. Rockets whizzed through the air, booming into huge displays of fireworks. Dan smiled as he cuddled up to Phil, watching the show. They oohed and ahhed together, pointing at particularly interesting or big fireworks. Dan’s eyes darted around the sky as he attempted to follow the grand finale. When the last of the fireworks were gone, he smiled. 

“Those were the best fireworks ever.” 

“Really?” Phil asked, leaning in and pressing his lips to Dan’s. The younger boy returned the kiss, his body pressed against the railing of the bleachers. Dan wrapped his hands around the back of Phil’s neck, sparks igniting inside him. Fireworks. Phil broke the connection, smirking. “Still the best?” 

“Nowhere near it.”


	20. Chapter 20

Dan rose with the sun that day. He didn’t have much of a choice. It was the first day of band camp, and you know what they say. Early is on time and on time is late. 

Being the first one awake, the droopy-eyed Dan flung the refrigerator door open and grabbed some strawberries. Along with those, he ate four pieces of peanut butter toast, cringing while willing himself not to drink any milk. He threw on his lightest, most breathable clothes and tied up his black Converse. They were the only black items he was wearing that day. Band camp was the one time that Dan avoided black; it was for his own good. “Mum!” 

“I’m up, I’m up!” Dan’s mum stumbled from her bedroom, her hair tousled. “I don’t have to get out of the car, do I?” Dan shook his head. “Okay, then let’s go.” 

Dan groaned as soon as he stepped outside. It was only 8 am, yet Dan could tell it was already nearly 80 degrees. “Well, it’s not band camp unless there’s a risk of heat stroke.” He moped his way to the car, climbing inside only to find that it was even hotter than the air outside. Dan took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally. This was going to be a long day. 

The car slowly cooled down as they drove. Dan had his face up to the air conditioning vent the entire time. When his mum finally pulled up in front of the band room, Dan sighed and opened the door. The hot air whooshed over his body as he stood up and walked towards the band room, holding a two-gallon water bottle. He’d need every bit of it. Throwing the door open, he headed back to put his bass drum together. 

As he walked towards the back of the room, a dark figure caught his eye. Playing around on the xylophone was Phil, dressed from head to toe in black. “Phil!” Dan raced to him, leaping into his arms. 

Holding Dan in a tight embrace, Phil smiled. “It’s nice to see you too.” 

Dan pulled back from the hug. “Are you seriously wearing all black just to brag that the pit doesn’t have to go outside for band camp?” Dan rolled his eyes. The pit instruments were simply too big to haul out to the field every day, so the pit would stay inside and learn their music. 

Phil smirked. “You really think I’d pass up a chance to annoy the hell out of you?” 

“Phil, what are you wearing?” Amy, the pit section leader, appeared behind them. “You’re going to burn up!” 

“Aren’t we going to be in air conditioning all day?”

“Didn’t you check the group chat? I got approval to use the trailer to carry all the instruments outside so we can practice with the band.” Phil pulled out his phone, opening the group chat. 

“Yeah, it’s all here…” Dan was audibly snickering behind him, which resulted in a quick elbow to the stomach. 

“Ow!” Dan gave Phil the same smirk he was given a minute earlier. “Looks like someone’s going to get a bit warm today.” Turning on his heel, Dan went to set up his bass drum. 

“Karma’s a bitch.” Phil squelched over and sat down beside Dan, who was eating lunch. He was literally drenched in sweat, his black clothes sticking to his body. His black hair looked like he just got out of the shower. 

“That’s probably the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.” Dan held his nose, the stench taking away his appetite. 

Plopping his lunchbox down beside him, Phil grinned. “C’mon babe, give me a hug!” He reached out, taking Dan in a tight hug. 

“No, no! Oh, gross! Get off of me!” He pushed the giggling Phil away, glancing down at his shirt. Sweat stains were scattered around his pastel pink shirt. “Gross.” Dan took a bite of his sandwich, attempting to eat even though the urge was completely lost. “The good news is, after lunch we have music practice. No more outside time.” 

“Oh, thank goodness. I think if I was out there for another minute, I’d faint.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Dan muttered. 

“So what’s this DCI thing?” Phil crunched on a potato chip, glancing over at his boyfriend. 

“It stands for Drum Corp International. It’s basically a really high level marching band, with some subtle differences I don’t feel like explaining. But never say DCI is just like marching band. Seriously, people will flip shit.” Phil raised an eyebrow, but Dan continued. “There’s a competition about an hour away from here that the band goes to watch every year. And it’s next week.” 

“So, a week from now, I get to ride a bus with you in the dark?” Phil smirked, and Dan burst out laughing. 

“Not if you don’t clean yourself up first.” 

Unbelievably, the week got hotter. Dan wasn’t sure how that was possible, or how he didn’t literally die. Finally, after memorizing all his music and running through the whole show while marching at least five times, Dan was released on the last day of band camp. As happy as he was to get out of the heat, Dan had mixed feelings. 

The last week with Phil (whenever he wasn’t covered in sweat) was amazing. He didn’t want it to be over. Of course, he’d see Phil for the DCI show on Monday, but he didn’t want to spend the weekend apart. Dan sighed. It was only a weekend. Monday would come. And along with it, a likely memory-sparking bus ride.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Angst, some swearing, and a smutty scene. If you wish to avoid that, you can find it and skip it, but I wouldn't recommend skipping the entire chapter because the ending has some important plot to it.

Dan took a deep breath as he waded into the sea of bright green shirts. The entire 100-person marching band was wearing their neon green band shirts. Dan had ho clue why they decided to make the shirts green, but he was practically blinded as he tried to make his way through the percussion section Monday afternoon. All he wanted to do was find Phil. Finally, he found the ebony-haired boy sitting alone on the floor in the back of the room. There was a look of grief across his face. “Dan, I-” 

“Phil!” Dan, oblivious to the sadness on Phil’s face, wrapped his arms around his neck. “We haven’t talked all weekend! How have you been?” 

“Well, I wanted to tell you in person, I-” 

Phil was cut off by a horrible screeching from the band director’s megaphone. “The bus list is by the door. Find your name and get on the corresponding bus. We leave in five minutes!” Phil opened his mouth to continue speaking, but Dan was already gone. 

“Phil, we’re on bus three!” he called from across the room. Phil sighed and followed Dan to the bus. Dan was sitting near the front of the bus when Phil arrived. 

“Why don’t we go to the back?” 

“The back of the band bus is full of sex and drugs.” 

“Exactly.” Phil tugged on Dan’s arm and pulled him out of the seat, dragging him to the back of the bus. They ended up in the second to last seat to the back, and Dan found the people around them were all giving them intimidating glances. Pretty much the entire band knew they were together, so they all knew what to expect from the two boys. And most of them didn’t want to be anywhere near it. “Oh, buzz off, would you?” Phil said, noticing all the stares. 

“What was it you wanted to tell me, Phil?” Dan asked. Phil looked around once again at all the piercing stares focused on them. “I’ll tell you later.” 

“Take that, Howell!” Phil fired a red shell at Dan, who was hit and immediately shrieked. 

“Right in the ass, you little shit!” Phil crossed the finish line right in front of Dan. “I swear, I’m the Mario Kart master.” Dan said, glaring at the gloating Phil. “You just got lucky.” Dan held his old Nintendo DS, seeming to have gotten into a competitive staring competition with his boyfriend. 

“Wanna go again, then?” The two never broke eye contact. 

“Of course.” Each head snapped back to its screen as the next track was chosen by Phil. “I’m even giving you the handicap of choosing the track. Just more proof that I can obliterate you.” 

“Yeah, right.” The race started, each of them getting the boost. Neck and neck, they each took their first item. Phil got a banana, and Dan got a red shell. As Dan positioned himself behind Phil to throw the shell, Phil put the banana down, causing Dan to spin out. “Ha! Suck it!” 

“Later,” the determined Dan joked. He fired his red shell, allowing him to take the lead. 

“Haha! You’re about to get hit by a blue shell!” Phil chuckled as they entered the third lap.

“If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.” Dan let up on the accelerator button, allowing Phil to catch up with him as the shell exploded on both of them. 

“Damnit!” 

Dan snickered as he took off to victory. 

The two shared a pizza before the show began. “So what’ll this thing be like?” 

“It’s basically us high school kids going to watch the professionals perform.” 

“Simple enough.” The first band marched onto the field and set up their props. Soon, the music started. Dan couldn’t quite grasp the message of most of the shows, but he definitely enjoyed the one where someone in the color guard got fake beheaded by a cymbal. In fact, as much as Dan loved music, the color guards were the most interesting part of each show. Dan and Phil couldn’t take their eyes off of the guards. 

They were all wearing such vibrant colors. As the sun set, the oranges and purples of their uniforms blended into the sky. It was a beautiful, yet distracting sight. Near the end, one of the members of the color guard in an all-male band tore his shirt off. Phil rolled his eyes as nearly all the girls in their marching band started screaming and cheering. Looking to his right, he saw Dan clapping. “Hey!” 

“Sorry.” 

The show didn’t end until around 10:00 that night. When they all piled back onto the bus, everyone was droopy-eyed and ready for sleep, except Dan and Phil. They had each eaten a full bag of cotton candy and a snowcone, and they were riding the sugar high. They clambered back into their bus seat, waiting for the bus to leave and the lights to go out. 

Soon everyone else was either asleep or high on real drugs, and the two were left alone, not a single eye focused on them. Driven mad with sugar and lust, Phil attacked Dan, pressing the younger boy up against the window and forcing his tongue into his mouth. Dan, of course, didn’t mind, as he was just as caught up in the rush of adrenaline and sugar. Their tongues danced inside their mouths as Dan felt his jeans tighten. He’d never felt anything like this before. 

He listened intently as Phil’s jeans unzipped and fell. Phil took Dan’s hands in his and guided them down to his waiting boner. Dan’s hands massaged the erection before he felt Phil’s hand on his head, pushing him downwards. He took Phil’s length in his mouth, unsure of whether or not he was doing it right. From Phil’s stifled moans, he inferred that he probably wasn’t doing it wrong. 

Dan tasted what he assumed was precum collecting on Phil’s tip and licked it off. The older boy gasped, struggling to keep his mouth closed and stay quiet. He exploded in Dan’s mouth, the chestnut-haired boy swallowing the cum. Phil redressed himself and took his seat on Dan’s lap, just like he used to when they first met nearly a year earlier. “I love you,” he panted. 

“I love you too.” 

Neither of the two slept. Dan spent a while calming his raging boner, and Phil sat staring into Dan’s deep, chestnut eyes in the darkness. Dan couldn’t see them, but there was sadness in Phil’s eyes. As they entered the town, Phil looked around to make sure everyone was asleep and then finally spoke. “I need to tell you something.” 

“Yeah?” 

“My dad got arrested for smoking marijuana.” 

“I thought that’s what you wanted?” Dan questioned. “You sound sad.” 

“I’m glad he’s gone, but…” 

Dan took a deep breath. “You won’t be able to ride my bus anymore because you won’t go to his house anymore. It’s okay, we still have Friday nights.” 

“Dan, it’s more than that.” The younger boy was silenced, left sitting in fear of Phil’s next sentence. “When my parents divorced, my mom and I really only stuck around here because I’d have to go to my dad’s every now and then. Now that he’s in jail…” 

“You’re…” Tears welled up in Dan’s eyes. “You’re moving?” 

“I didn’t have a say in it. My mom bought the house in Michigan without telling me…” 

“Michigan! That’s halfway across the country!” Neither of them could see the other, but they both fully knew that each of them were crying. Dan was crushed. Finally calming himself enough, he took a deep breath. “When do you leave?” 

“The end of the week.”


	22. Chapter 22

“We’re going to have the best week of your life.” It was Tuesday morning, and Dan planned to spend every single moment with Phil until the car pulled away from what used to be his house Saturday evening. Dan’s fingers were intertwined with Phil as they walked down the hallway of this house. Boxes littered the floors of every room, and Dan barely found space to throw his huge suitcase. 

Dan had simply thrown everything he could think of into a bag and zipped it up after finally convincing his mom to let him spend the week at Phil’s. He had no clue how he did it, but he was glad he did. With Phil having his drivers license, the two would drive around doing all the things they ever wanted to do together. They had five days, and Dan was determined to make the best of each and every one of them. 

The two walked into Phil’s room as he closed the door behind them. Dan pulled up a note on his phone with a list of all the things they wanted to do before plopping down on Phil’s bed. The bed let out a sigh as he sat down, causing Dan to make sure it wasn’t broken. It wasn’t until then that Dan actually took the time to look around the room. Phil’s checkered blue and green duvet was the only bright thing in the room. Around him were walls with cracks running from the floor to the ceiling. He thought they may have been white at some point, but they were now a disgusting eggshell shade. There was a desk with Phil’s discarded school bag on it in the corner of the room. One of the legs was a bit lower than all the others. The entire place smelled like mildew and was even hotter than it was outside on the late July morning. “It’s not really much, is it?” Dan shook himself from his thoughts to see a disappointed Phil twiddling his thumbs on the other side of the bed. 

“You’re right. It’s not. But soon you’ll be somewhere better, right?” Dan smiled weakly, struggling to put aside his own need to have Phil around and be happy for him moving to a better life. 

“I”ll be somewhere else, but it won’t be better.” 

“Don’t tell me your mom bought a haunted house.” 

“No, you spork. It won’t be better because you won’t be there.” Phil chuckled for the first time in the day. Dan was relieved simply seeing Phil happy again. 

“Oh.” He laughed along with the older boy. “Do you want to go over the schedule?” 

“Sure.” Phil curled up with Dan and the two read over the list on Dan’s screen. For the first time since they had each found out Phil was moving, they were actually excited for what was to come. 

“Why the hell did you decide hiking was a good idea?” Dan panted out as they trekked up the literal mountain. 

“You wanted to walk through my life here with me, didn’t you?” Dan nodded to confirm the week’s theme. “I hiked up here when I was a kid.” 

“If this hike is much longer, you’ll have to be the one saying goodbye to me.” Dan paused to take a deep breath, trying to keep walking. “At my funeral.” 

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there.” Soon, the trees cleared and they reached a flat plane that appeared to be the summit of the mountain. Dan was mildly terrified of tripping and falling to his death, but he still took a few seconds to admire the view. By the time they reached the top, the sun was starting to set. They could almost touch the clouds, which were tinted a pastel pink as the sky turned shades of orange. Dan turned around to see Phil setting out a blanket. He took a seat and watched Phil pull a container out of his backpack.

“Oreos? Really?” 

“When I was a kid, we always brought Oreos to eat at the top of the mountain. I don’t know why. We just did.” 

Dan sighed. “I’ve never been one to turn down an Oreo.” And so the two ate until the sky matched the shade of the chocolate cookies of the few Oreos that remained in the box. 

“We probably should head down,” Phil said, shooing Dan off the blanket and into the accumulating dew on the grass beside him. 

“Thanks. Now I’m wet.” Dan wiped himself up as Phil packed up and prepared to hike back down. As soon as they started down, they realized they’d made a mistake. Of course they’d planned to watch the sun set at the summit, but they didn’t think about coming back down. Phil had a flashlight, but that didn’t stop gravity from rushing them down in the dark. Dan, walking behind Phil, tripped over a root and tumbled into him. Phil was knocked over, and the two rolled down the slope in a ball. Eventually, the trail curved and they rolled into a patch of weeds and down another deep slope. Finally, they rolled into a creek, landing uncomfortably on a patch of rocks.

“Phil?” 

“Dan?” 

The two clambered out of the water and to each other, hugging each other tightly. Dan’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and he looked up the hill they fell down. It would be much too steep to climb back up. “How are we going to get back?” Phil inspected his flashlight, finding it ruined by the water. 

“Pull up maps on your phone.” Dan found his screen cracked and it suddenly dawned on him how injured he was. He realized that he had multiple cuts on his arms and legs, and his head was throbbing. Luckily, the phone lit up when Dan pushed the home button, but he hadn’t enough signal to use a map. 

“Nothing.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s just follow the creek back to civilization. Then we’ll look on our phones.” 

And the two were off. After a few minutes of wading through weeds up to their waists and worrying a snake would kill them at any moment, they decided they’d prefer the water. It was a shallow creek, so they were only ankle-deep. As cold as the water was, the warm, summer air contradicted it to the point where they weren’t too uncomfortable. As the night droned on, they heard rustling in the trees. “What’s that?” A shaking Dan questioned, not wanting to know the answer. 

As the rustling grew nearer, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil, craving safety and warmth. “Phil…”

“Yeah, Dan?” 

“If we’re going to die here, we might as well die together.” 

“We’re already to-” Phil was cut off by Dan’s lips colliding with his own. He pushed the boy away, and although he couldn’t see Dan, he knew there was a look of pure hurt on his face. “We’re not going to die, you idiot.” The two strained their eyes in the dark to see a rabbit hopping from the woods. 

“Oh.” Dan chuckled. “Right.” 

Dan could see the slightest bit of light peering out from behind the hills when the trees finally began to clear and the two stepped out onto a gravel road. Dan pulled out his phone and found their location. “We’re only about a mile from the car.” They began their trek back to where they started, arriving as the sun came up. 

“Well…” Phil said, out of breath as they finally reached the car. “We watched the sun set on the top of the mountain and we watch the sun rise at the bottom of the mountain.” 

Dan breathed out as much of a laugh as he could. “Yeah.” 

Dan dried himself off after taking a shower in Phil’s bathroom. It was about the same quality as his room; the walls were disgusting and the rusty shower head attacked his back like tiny needles. Throwing on a shirt and shorts, he slid into bed beside the already asleep Phil. It was broad daylight, but the two would sleep for a few hours. They’d had a pretty long night. 

Dan wraps his arms around his sleeping boyfriend, cuddling up to him and absorbing the body heat radiating from him. Dan closed his eyes and fell into sleep on the warm Wednesday morning.


	23. Chapter 23

Dan’s eyes fluttered awake around noon on Wednesday. They’d lost the morning, but they would make the most of the afternoon. Dan shook Phil awake. “Come on! We’re going to the pool today!”

Phil hopped out of bed and actually rushed along to get ready for the pool. He sat down in the driver’s seat of his car, ready to go. “Okay, give me directions.” Dan led him towards their community pool before suddenly directing Phil onto another road. “Wait, I thought the pool was that way?” 

“We’re not going to the pool.” Dan smiled the sort of smile that said he had something good planned. “We’re going somewhere better.” 

Phil sighed. “But I’m hot!” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of that.” Phil wouldn’t stop asking Dan where they were going for the entire two hour ride. He was starting to get mildly annoyed when they finally pulled into the waterpark. 

“Cool! I’ve always wanted to go here,” Phil said, eager to get inside. 

“You’ve never been?” Phil shook his head. “My family went here all the time when I was a kid. It’s probably one of my favorite places.” Both excited to get inside, they climbed out of the car and slathered up in sunscreen. Reaching the entrance, Dan pulled out a wad of cash he saved up for the week. He paid for their tickets, grabbing Phil’s hand and pulling him into the waterpark. Phil looked around at all the rides in awe. 

To his left was a terrifying slide where you’re free falling for ten feet before plummeting into a pool underneath. To his right was a calm wave pool. Straight ahead, and surrounded by a lazy river, was a towering castle filled with dumping buckets and spray nozzles. It was meant for children, but many adults were running around as well. Phil looked up to see dozens of different waterslides towering over them. He was amazed. “Where do you want to go first?” Phil shook his head, breaking out of his trance and returning to reality. Dan’s question rang in his mind, puzzling him.

“Let’s go to the wave pool first, just to go get wet, and then figure it out.”

“You little shit!” Dan splashed Phil back, trying to rub the water out of his eyes. 

“Children!” Phil screamed, gesturing towards the multiple kids in the crowded wave pool. 

Dan moved close to Phil’s face. “You little jerk.” The two burst out laughing together. Keeping the profanity to a minimum was never one of Dan’s strong suits. The two kept splashing each other, ignoring the whistles sounding all around them. 

“HEY!” Multiple whistles sounded at the same time, and the two finally looked up. “Stop splashing each other!” 

“Oh. Sorry,” Dan yelled at the angry lifeguard towering over them. Dan and Phil decided it was a good time to leave the wave pool. 

They ventured over to a group of tube slides, stopping and staring at the double tubes. “Are you going to get one?” Dan asked. 

“Why don’t you get one?”

“This is literally the dumbest thing we’ve ever fought over.” Dan picked up a tube, holding the back half out to Phil. “We’ll carry it together.” And so they walked up the stairs, both of them running out of breath after a couple flights. “Are we really this out of shape?” Dan panted. They continued on, and ran into a line after a couple more flights. The top platform was nowhere in sight. 

“I hate lines.” Phil panted, now even more tired from the July sun beating down on his pale skin. For half an hour they waited in the queue to finally reach the top of the stairs. There were three slides to choose from; one was yellow, one was green, and one was red. The red one looked dark, so they vetoed it immediately. The green one was only for single riders, so they couldn’t ride it. That left the yellow. It had the longest line, but it was the only acceptable choice, so they waited just a little while longer before taking their seats in the tube and being pushed off down the slide. 

They took off quickly, rushing down the first few chutes. Everything was going well, until suddenly they came to a cliff. Their movement slowed as they approached the edge of the slide. “What the hell is this?” Finally reaching the end, they dove into a whirlpool. The slide whooshed them around in circles, throwing water over their heads and up their noses. Finally, they went down the final chute backwards and coughing up chlorine. The two climbed out of the exit pool and looked up at the obvious whirlpool structure in the slide they had just gone down. “Welp,” Dan said. “We probably should have paid more attention to that before we went on the ride.” 

They mutually decided to take a break and get a drink to wash out the pool water filling their lungs and burning their throats. Instead, they ended up getting ice cream. Phil’s superman ice cream melted together into an aesthetic rainbow swirl in the hot sun as Dan ate his simple chocolate. When they finished, Phil had an idea. “Why don’t we go in the lazy river? We’ll be able to relax and digest while also not burning in the sun.” 

Dan shrugged. “Works for me.” So they got tubes and climbed in. Dan stayed alert, remembering from past visits that the lazy river had a few twists, but Phil closed his eyes and let the water take him. Dan chuckled as they found their way to a particular part of the river Phil would probably wish he was prepared for. Dan moved his tube a bit to the right and simply waited. The huge bucked dumped right on top of Phil, lurching him back to life. Dan was howling with laughter.

“Shut up,” Phil coughed. “I’m out of here.” 

“Well, what do you want to do?” 

Phil smirked. “I have an idea…” He hesitated. “But it’s kinda stupid, immature, and sadistic.” 

“Everything I’m about.” Dan said, laughing. “Let’s go.” 

Dan stood over a bucket, holding it in place. It was positioned over the small slide at the bottom of the castle of buckets. The bucket was overflowing, ready to dump. “Ready?” Dan nodded. Phil was on lookout and Dan was dumping. A young girl went down the slide, and Dan didn’t dump the bucket. Her father followed soon after, and he let go of the bucket, allowing it to soak the man. “Quick, duck!” The two hid behind the railing so the man wouldn’t see them. “Nice one, Dan. Switch?” 

The two switched positions and carried on their sadistic operation. “This is more fun than I thought it would be.” Dan laughed. They continued dumping water on unsuspecting parents until Dan finally forgot to duck down and hide. A huge, angry man stared him in the eye and started back up the steps towards them. “Uh, Phil?” 

Quickly, they took a side exit and escaped into the crowd, sitting on their beach chairs. “That’s what, the second time we’ve nearly gotten kicked out of this waterpark today?” Phil said with a smile. 

“Sounds about right.” Dan laughed. 

Phil pulled his phone from their bag, checking the time. “Oh, wow. The park will be closing soon. Maybe we should get going.” 

“Probably. But I want to do one last thing.” 

“What?” 

Dan smirked, pointing to the free falling slide. “That.” 

Phil’s face lost whatever color it had, his eyes filling with pure terror. “That?” 

“C’mon! You can do it! It’s like flying.” Dan was already standing. 

“Last time we ‘flew’, I threw up.” 

“This is a split second. Please?” Dan was giving Phil the puppy dog eyes. Nobody could say no to that. 

“Fine.” 

A few minutes later, they were side by side on the ledge. There were two slides, and they planned to go at the same time on each of them. The slide was but a few feet long, so they’d slide down and then go airborne for a little while before splashing down in the pool below. “Ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” Phil was shaking. 

“1.” 

“2.” 

And together, they shouted, “3!” Each of them pushed off, flinging their bodies into the air. For the split second they were there, the wind rushed through their hair, chilling their bodies. But suddenly they collided with the water, which spread warmth through their veins. After climbing out of the pool, they agreed that would be their final thrill. 

Dried off and fully clothed, Dan and Phil climbed into the car. The clock read 7:13. “It’s so late! I didn’t even know the park was open that late. We’ll have to drive home in the dark.” Phil seemed concerned, but Dan was simply smiling. 

“But Phil, we’re not going home.”

“Where are we going?” 

“Hotel.” 

“Oh no.” 

Dan smirked. “This town’s got a whole lot more to offer.” He pointed out the hotel for Phil to drive to, down the street. “Should be enough to keep us entertained tomorrow.” And so they stayed into Thursday.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: EXCESSIVE swearing

Dan woke up in a hotel bed beside Phil on Thursday morning. He picked up his phone and jumped out of bed upon realizing it was already nearly 11:00. He had specific plans for the day. “Phil, c’mon! We’ve got to get to lunch!” 

“Lunch? But I just woke up!”

“Just trust me!” 

And so they were soon checked out of the hotel and on their way to lunch. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Phil said as they pulled up to the huge building. “We can’t be eating here.”

“Oh, but we are.” Dan grinned. It was so like him to take his boyfriend to pizza and mini golf. They walked inside and found a bustling arcade packed with children. After ordering pizza, they got some tokens and took off. 

The two made a goal for themselves to get every piece of candy on the prize shelf. Putting their heads together, they planned strategically to get the most tickets possible. They decided to set up camp at a game they were both good at: Crossy Road. Token after token went into the machine. During their first round, Dan immediately ran into a car. Phil almost did the same as he burst out laughing instead of paying attention to the game. They both got gradually better as it went on. After a few rounds, Phil won the machine’s jackpot. They high-fived and watched as the jackpot went up a few points. “I think we can handle that.” The two made eye contact, smiling and nodding. 

After fifteen rounds of Crossy Road, the jackpot meant nothing to Dan and Phil. They’d won it at least five rounds in a row. What mattered was who won the round. They were each up to nearly 350 points, and neither seemed to be slowing down. A bird nearly ate Dan, and Phil nearly got stuck on a log, but the two hopped on. Around 500 points, Dan finally cracked and the bird got him. Out of energy, Phil immediately gave up, panting. “Good game, my friend. Good game.” They reached into their token cups to start the next round, but pulled out too few tokens. “Aw, man. These name brand games are so expensive.” 

They each had five tokens left, so they walked around for a moment looking for a game to play. “Oh my gosh, Phil! They have Mario Kart! I wish we’d known that before we used up all our tokens. It must be horribly expensive.” 

Phil walked over and checked the machine. “Actually, it only takes four.” Recounting the tokens in his hand, Dan gasped and ran over to the game. 

“Let’s go, Lester.” 

Dan examined the pedals. “The one on the right is the go pedal, right?” 

Phil laughed, then nodded. “Sometimes I forget you don’t know how to drive.” 

“This probably won’t be the fairest game, will it?” 

“We’re about to find out!” The countdown blared as the two took off. Dan immediately nearly veered off the road, but adjusted himself to take the lead. Dan was a Mario Kart pro. Just not exactly a driving pro. 

By the third lap they were neck and neck. Dan and Phil’s karts were constantly bumping into each other, trying to knock each other off the track. They took the final item block, waiting anxiously for their item to pop up. “A banana?” Phil whined. 

“See you later, sucker.” Dan used his mushroom, dashing in front of Phil and across the finish line. “What can I say? Mario Kart is kinda my thing.” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “We’ve got one token left each. What do you want to do?” 

Dan smirked. “I’ve got an idea.” 

“Get ready! The countdown is starting soon,” Dan said, trying to position himself beside Phil in the small photo booth bench. Their two tokens were just enough for them to get their picture made. 

“3…” The machine counted down. Phil made a silly face. 

“2…” Dan made a sillier one. 

“1…” Phil leaned in. 

“Cheese!” Their lips collided as the camera flash burned in their eyes. After a split second, Phil leaned back to see his boyfriend blushing.

“Phil, you spork.” 

“I may be a spork,” Phil said, a smile on his face. The picture fell from the machine, and he picked it up from the drop box. “But I’m a spork with a cute picture.” 

After the delicious and quite filling break for cheese pizza, Dan and Phil headed to the mini golf course. It was surprisingly empty for the time of year, so they walked right up to the first hole and began. Dan hit his and it immediately bounced off the course and into a nearby pond. “You’ve got to be SHITTING me!” he yelled. A few heads turned as parents covered their children’s ears. 

Phil stepped up, hitting his ball into the cup on the first try. “That was the easiest hole, you know.” Dan simply rolled his eyes. 

Dan somehow managed to recover from that mess a few holes in. It was probably because of that time Phil had to chase his ball through the parking lot, but at least it made them even. He was actually on a bit of a roll at this point. Dan set his ball down at the beginning of the 6th hole, carefully examining his aim. He tapped the ball, watching as it rolled towards the cup. Just as it was about to fall in, it jumped straight over the hole. “Fuck fucking fucking fuck fuck!” Dan screamed. He wasn’t much for keeping his composure. 

A few minutes and a couple more failed holes later, a middle-aged man in a shirt brandishing the company logo approached them. Dan was furiously putting in circles around the hole as the man talked to Phil. “This is a family-friendly establishment. If you can’t keep the profanity to a minimum, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” 

Phil’s eyes widened. “Oh, yes, of course, sir. We’ll be sure to-” 

“FUCK!” Dan screamed as his ball rolled into the water yet again. Two angry eyeballs stared into Phil’s soul. All he could do was nervously chuckle. 

“I can’t believe we got kicked out of a mini golf course,” Dan said on the ride home. 

“I was winning, for the record.” 

“Yeah, right.” Dan laughed. 

“So are we going to be leaving our legacies on any ‘family-friendly establishments’ tomorrow?” Phil asked. 

“Actually, I don’t think so.” 

“Then what are we going to do?” 

“You’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? But that’s like a whole week! That’s like you making me wait an entire week for a chapter of a fanfic that you left on a cliffhanger!” 

“What?”

“Nothing.” Phil didn’t look at Dan. “But really, what are we doing?” 

“You’ll just have to wait.” Dan smiled. Friday could be either the most boring day or the best day, depending on how it would be perceived. Dan was hoping for the latter. And something told him his hopes were right.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst and Implied Underage Sexual Activity

Dan awoke early on Friday morning, slipping out of Phil’s arms and through his house. He walked through every room, setting everything up. A few minutes later, Phil emerged from his room, tired and messy-haired. “What’s all this?” 

“It’s a walk down memory lane.” 

Phil looked down at the yellow paper at his feet. “Did you actually lay out ‘Memory Lane’?” Phil smiled. 

“Maybe.” Dan chucked, blushing. 

“So what’s first?” Dan led Phil into his living room, where there were signs taped to the side of his couch. In messy handwriting, they read ‘School Bus’. “You’re so cheesy.” Dan sat down on the couch, and Phil sat on his lap. “I assume we’re going all the way back to day 1, correct?” He smiled, leaning in to kiss Dan. 

“A few weeks in now,” Dan said, kissing back. 

“Let’s just speed this up…” Phil hopped off and ran into the couch, falling flat on the floor. “I broke some bones,” he said in an emotionless roleplay. The two both burst out laughing. Dan ran into another room and came back with Phil’s old wheelchair. “Forgot I still had that.”

“Up you go!” Dan lifted Phil into the chair, taking off down the hallway. 

“Is this really necessary?” Phil asked, grasping the chair’s handles for dear life. 

“Of course! It’s a memory!” Dan shouted as they rushed down the hallway, their hair flying from the speed. Dan took a sharp turn into Phil’s bedroom, suddenly stopping and flinging Phil onto his bed. 

“Hey!”

“Gotta be accurate.” 

After a few hours of wheelchairs and fake trips, they finally reached the last thing on Dan’s list. Back on Phil’s now de-signed couch, they were each holding controllers. “You may have won yesterday, but today you’re going down,” Phil said as the Mario Kart race loaded. They were playing Rainbow Road; it was always one of the hardest tracks. 

The countdown sounded and Dan spun out from trying to start too early. “Damnit!” Phil chuckled, speeding off into first place. Dan made a wonderful comeback, but couldn’t manage to catch Phil. That was a bit surprising, considering how many times Phil fell off the course, but he wasn’t complaining. 

They played for hours, losing count of who was winning. As competitive as they both were, especially when it came to Mario Kart, they let it go immediately. They just wanted to enjoy what they knew would be their last day together. 

Dan and Phil went to bed a bit early that night. They were thinking the same thing as they crawled into Phil’s bed. “Are we going to do this?” Phil asked. 

In the darkness, he could see Dan’s silhouette nod. “It’s now or never.” He hesitated, repressed tears burning in his throat. “I think I’m ready.” Phil wrapped his hands around the back of Dan’s neck, pulling him in and pressing their lips together. 

Dan woke up a bit sore the next morning; the previous night was something he’d never done before. Limping a bit, he managed to drag himself out of bed. It was not only time for Phil to leave, but time for him to go home. The moving trucks were almost packed, and Dan attempted to pitch in, helping pack up all the things they used the day before. It was like kissing all his memories goodbye; the bittersweet situation had Dan holding back tears yet again. 

Dan’s mom pulled into the driveway, and reality sunk in for Dan. Phil’s car was packed up. The moving truck pulled away. Phil would be gone from his life in a matter of five minutes. Everything was moving too quickly. Soon, Phil was standing in front of him, saying his final goodbye. “I’m gonna miss you, Phil.” The tears he’d been holding back were finally rolling down his cheeks. 

“I’m gonna miss you too. But don’t cry. I’ll come visit you someday. I promise.” And they hugged and kissed each other for what Dan feared would be the last time. Dan wanted to stay in Phil’s arms forever, but it wasn’t an option. Phil eventually pulled away, turning and walking to his car. Dan’s heart broke a little bit more with every passing second. 

Phil’s car’s engine started up as Dan climbed into the passenger seat of his mom’s car. The two pulled out of the driveway, heading in different directions down the road. Dan turned his head to watch the other car driving away, out of his life. He put his head in his hands and cried. Still in disbelief, he tried to accept it. This was goodbye.


	26. Chapter 26

Dan could barely feel his hands on that cold, December evening, but he still stood at that bus stop. The bus would be arriving late because of the weather, but it would be carrying Phil, and that’s all that mattered to Dan. 

They’d been apart for four months. Phil began his junior year at his Michigan high school and Dan went back to his normal school for another normal year. It wasn’t quite normal though. Not without Phil. 

But that night, Phil was taking the bus back for a few days of winter break. They would finally see each other again, and Dan was thrilled. He was convinced he had frostbite by the time the bus finally pulled up. He rocketed off of the bench he had situated himself on, shifting his weight from foot to foot until he saw a head of jet-black hair emerge from the doors. 

And suddenly he was in Phil’s arms. And suddenly their lips were pressed together. Warmth rushed through Dan’s body, despite the freezing temperatures. When they separated, Dan smiled wider than he had in months. “I missed you.” 

“Nowhere near as much as I missed you.” Dan called his mom to come pick them up; she left a while after realizing Phil’s bus would be so late. Phil decided not to make the long drive himself, so he simply took the bus. Soon they were back in Dan’s room, and he couldn’t be happier. 

“Dan, look!” Phil yelled, gazing out the window the night before he was set to go home. “It’s snowing!” Looking into Phil’s colorful eyes, Dan could see a little boy who grew up sledding on snow days. 

He sat down beside Phil and the two stared outside. Dan turned on his porch light so that each flake was illuminated as it hit the deck. Phil put his arm around Dan as each tiny snowflake piled onto another. After half an hour, the ground was covered in a thin blanket of white. Dan stood up, feeling Phil’s reluctance to let him go. “We should get some sleep so we can have the energy for sledding tomorrow.” Phil suddenly seemed extremely enthusiastic about getting to bed early. Dan couldn’t help but smile. 

Dan was smiling yet again as he watched Phil spin around in circles, catching snowflakes in his mouth. His yellow and black striped scarf twirled around his neck as he plopped down into the snow. He set his sled in front of him and scooted onto it. “Ready?” 

It was time for Dan’s competitive side to come out. “Race you to the bottom.”

“3,”

“2,”

“1!” they both yelled, pushing off and sailing down the hill. Dan got an early start, the brisk wind launching his snow hat backwards and into Phil’s face. Dan looked back, laughing, only to find when he turned forward again that he was headed straight for a brush patch in the field. He barrel rolled off of the sled, and all that came in response was a burst of Phil’s laughter as he whizzed by. 

After puling his sled from a bunch of briers, Dan slowly skidded to a stop at the bottom of the hill. “Here you go,” Phil said, tossing his hat into his lap. “Loser.” 

After a few more races and a failed attempt to make snowballs from the dry, powdery snow, Dan and Phil collapsed on the white blanket. “This is really peaceful,” Dan said. 

“Brings me back to my childhood. You would always play in the snow too, right?” Dan nodded. “I love snow. There’s a lot more of it in Michigan. We’ve already had three snow days.” A bit of a pang hits Dan’s heart. He’s not used to Phil talking about his new school. He has a whole other life now without Dan in it, and that gives him a feeling he’s only experienced towards Phil once before: jealousy. 

“Wish we had more snow.” Dan chose to express his feelings subtly, but Phil could always tell when something was wrong. 

“I know, Dan. I miss you too.” 

“It’s so hard being so far apart. I never knew a long distance relationship could be this difficult.” 

Phil hesitated, taking multiple breaths as if he was going to speak but never letting the words out. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t do the long distance thing anymore.” 

Dan’s face lit up, his heart racing as he failed to notice the somber look his boyfriend wore. “You’re moving back?” 

“No, Dan.” He sighed, not wanting to say the words that were pouring from his mouth. “Maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore.” 

Suddenly the situation dawned on Dan. “W-what?”

“Dan, I love you… I just don’t think we can do the long distance thing any longer. We can still be friends…” 

“Yeah, okay.” The tone was sincere, but Dan had no intention of doing so. He didn’t think he could handle a friendship with Phil after all they’d been through together. He’d never be able to think of him the same. 

“I- I should get going.” Phil said, unzipping his pocket and checking the time on his phone. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Dan smiled weakly, his heart in shards. They returned to Dan’s house so Phil could gather his things and catch the bus back to Michigan. Dan moved numbly, not paying attention to anything he was doing or anywhere he was going. All he could do was replay the breakup in his head, locating the exact moment when his heart broke into millions of pieces. Soon, they were standing at the bus stop. 

“This is it, then.” 

“Really it.” 

And then they were in each other’s arms. And then they were kissing. But Dan didn’t feel anything. The cold air still ran through him; the former warmth of their kiss was gone. When they separated, he looked into Phil’s eyes. They carried so many memories turned sour, but deep inside he could still see their original love. If they’d ever see each other again, maybe there would be hope for the two of them. But as Phil stepped onto the bus without looking back, Dan thought he knew that would never happen. 

Until now. 

Now, twenty years later, Phil Lester stands, his jet-black hair tousled and his clothes tattered and torn. His eyes contain the same memories with their same bittersweet love. His unshaven chin still shows the same chiseled jawline, but he looks much thinner than he did back then. Dan stands in awe, pulled out of his own flashback by a single word. “Hi.”


End file.
